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The Fear of Recurrence

I’m headed back to see my doctor next week for a regular check-in.  While I’m feeling great and am coming up on one year of remission, I’m beginning to grapple with the angst that usually accompanies visits to the oncologist, or any doctor for that matter. My normally rational thoughts tell me that there is nothing to fear as I hold little chance of hearing the dreaded word recurrence. The National Cancer Institue matter of factly defines recurrence as being when cancer returns in a patient who appeared to be in remission (free of cancer) after treatment. Cancer can recur in the same organ it developed in, or as in my case where that organ has been removed surgically, it can return to another organ or tissue.

While I know that the odds are against learning I have cancer yet again when I have my check-up next week, I have a hard time shaking the fear. After my initial diagnosis, treatment, and clean bill of health, I was not scared at all. And so, when I had my first recurrence it came as a major shock and disappointment.

I know that I’m not alone in fearing recurrence, that it’s almost a normal part of the cancer experience, but I still hope the fear will eventually subside. I’d love to hear from any of you who may have also been through treatment and are now in remission, or maybe who are friends or family members of survivors. How long have you been in remission, do you still fear a recurrence either for yourself or a loved one, and what kinds of things have helped you? This article nicely addresses many of the aspects of fearing recurrences, and passes along a good piece of advice: If you’re worried about something, ask! Don’t let fear feed on fear.

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