I received a comment today on my Sunday Seven post about how inspiring sentiments help me survive. The comment was from a women who is surviving lung cancer and she asked a question to all readers really -- when will the fear of recurrence ever go away? How do you out there deal with it? So I replied to her private e-mail address and shared my thoughts about fear and recurrence and how I deal with these issues as a cancer survivor. She replied and wrote, your e-mail was so uplifting. I think I just found you on a really bad day and I am thankful that I did. And so I realized that maybe I should not limit my thoughts to just one person when others are surely in her same boat -- my same boat. So here is what I wrote to this one reader who -- like so many others on my journey -- has helped me by allowing me the chance to help her.Just want to say that I think you are already dealing with the fear-of-recurrence thing because you have been surviving for as long as you have been traveling this bumpy road. So while you survive, you just need to live each day like it's your last and fight for your life at the same time. Someone once told me to think of cancer as a chronic condition -- something we will live with for the rest of your lives. And we just keep treating it, wherever it pops up. And the longer we survive, the more resources there are to help us survive even longer. As for getting through each day, I recommend counseling (I go once per month but at one time I went each week). I also take an anti-depressant (Zoloft) which I do not push on anyone, but for me, it has helped. I went to my oncologist one day and asked him how to live peacefully without worrying constantly that cancer is coming back to haunt me -- he said many cancer patients take anti-depressants to take the edge off so I began the drug and began counseling too. Neither completely take away the fear -- but they help me manage and that's all I can ask for. I also have two little boys who keep me busy and distracted from feeling sorry for myself. And I try to keep busy in other ways too. Helping others with cancer -- or others who just need help -- is healthy too!
Helping others with cancer does help me. It reminds me that I am not alone and that others have fears like me and that collectively, we can all survive better if we lean on one another and borrow from one another and inspire one another.
1. I believe the fear of cancer recurrence is almost as frightening as the cancer itself. I was told that as time goes on, the fear gets less, and it does. However, I never have a day go buy that I think of the cancer the first thing when I awaken and the last thing when I go to sleep. Also, many times during the day. I am a little different in regards to thinking I am a cancer survivor. We all know that a recurrence can happen forever. I don't think the five year mark really means too much other than you have made it that far. I have known women with breast cancer having it recurr after 12 years and one after 20+ years. I am not being pessimistic but I have said that I will never call myself a cancer survivor until I die of something else. Physicians cannot tell us that we are going to be alright, ever. But as I said at the beginning of this remark was that the longer time goes by without a recurrence, the fear subsides a little.
Posted at 12:32AM on Jul 10th 2006 by Susan Hochstetter