Kara Dawson is a breast cancer survivor. She has not been diagnosed herself -- although the fear of diagnosis is her constant companion. She instead lived as a child with the disease her mother battled. And she now lives in the aftermath of breast cancer following the death of her mom. Kara was just 12 years old when her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer -- the disease that would take her life just a few years later. For 22 years, Kara has been surviving the loss of her mom. For 22 years, Kara has been surviving breast cancer.
Now 37 years old, Kara has become a busy mom herself. She shares her world with two wonderful sons -- ages five and three -- and an amazing husband, a Great Dane, a love of athletics and the out-of-doors, and a career as a professor at the University of Florida.
Kara is a woman of great strength, courage, faith, and inspiration. She has helped power me through my own breast cancer journey -- and I believe her own personal brush with the disease is what makes her such a supportive, attentive, encouraging friend. She helps me fight for my life -- as she fights the curse of family history for her own life.
How old were you when your mom was diagnosed with breast cancer?
12 years old
How old was your mom?
36 years old
How did you learn that your mom had breast cancer?
How did you learn that your mom had breast cancer?
I don't even remember. My dad and mom were high school sweethearts so I grew up in the same town as my grandparents and great-grandparents. I knew my family was acting strangely and that mom was going to the doctor a lot but my brothers (ages 10, 8 and 6) and I didn't know what was happening. I guess I first knew something was wrong when she came home from the doctor and vomited for 3 straight days. Chemotherapy is still horrible but I think it has come a long way since the mid 80s. My mom's sister got breast cancer five years ago and she went to work the day after her treatments which was unbelievable to me.
What did breast cancer mean to you at the time of her diagnosis?
What did breast cancer mean to you at the time of her diagnosis?
Something terrible; my dad's mom died of cancer a few years before my mom was diagnosed so I had already seen what it could do to a person I love dearly.
What does breast cancer mean to you now?
What does breast cancer mean to you now?
In my teens I had nightmares about going through what my mom went through. It was really, really terrible to watch especially as an adolescent. I threw myself into high school then college academics and athletics and didn't talk about it much. In my 20s I assumed I would die of breast cancer and continued to use this as a right to be selfish. I played in volleyball tournaments almost every weekend, worked really hard to earn my Ph.D. before I turned 30 and essentially filled my days with things for me. In my 30s I now recognize that I may or may not get breast cancer and that fear of the disease filled me with selfishness. I started a family, started thinking outside myself and hopefully am doing small things to make the world a little bit better.
What treatments did your mom receive?
I don't remember everything but she received chemotherapy and radiation and had surgery to remove at least one of her breasts. I learned recently that when mom and dad learned the treatment was not working she participated in an experimental study with a new drug. Obviously, it didn't help her but I like to think she has helped others who fought the disease in later years.
What visual memories do you have of breast cancer?
I remember her fake breast. They just stuffed a fake one in her bra at that time. There was not any reconstructive surgery (at least not for her). I remember her trying to find a swimsuit to wear. (She was very athletic and outdoorsy too). I remember having close friends come over while she lay on the couch with all the blinds closed. Some of these people are still my close friends and I know they remember it too. I remember her getting really fat from the treatments and being very upset about it. I remember her getting really super skinny near the end.
How did your mom cope with breast cancer?
I have no idea. Now that I am a mom, I really don't know. I know she had a strong faith in the Lord long before this disease hit so that had to be what got her through. I don't know how my dad coped either and after all these years I know he hasn't recovered.
It still does. My life and my family would be so different if she was still alive. I was recently recognized at a high school banquet and I couldn't even give a speech because my dad, my brothers, my mom's mom, my mom's brother and sister and my close high school friends were in the audience. The memories came flooding back, and I choked up. Every holiday has a hole; every trip home has a hole, every special moment has someone missing. Even so, I have been amazingly blessed since the time of my mom's death. I know the Lord is watching out for me and that some day I will learn why this happened to our family.
What were your hopes and fears for your mom?
What were your hopes and fears for your mom?
I didn't have any. I was too consumed with me as is probably typical of a preteen/teen.
What are your hopes and fears for yourself?
I don't really have time for either but my one hope is to be a good mom for my boys so if I do leave them early they have awesome memories of me. My one fear is definitely leaving them early. Every day is a blessing so I try to make the most of it.
How long was your mom's battle?
How long was your mom's battle?
Two to three years.
How did you realize her battle was nearing an end?
Mom went into the hospital and I wasn't allowed to see her. I have mixed feelings about this now but I still remember what my dad's mom looked like at 75 pounds so I guess I am glad I don't have that memory of my Mom.
Describe the end.
I remember being at school and having to fill out some kind of survey in homeroom. It asked about your parents and I marked deceased for my mom. It was weird but I had a feeling she was gone. I remember our pastor being at home after school THAT DAY. I knew what had happened but I didn't talk to anyone. I snuck in the back door, got my swimming stuff and walked to practice. I didn't say a word to anyone at practice but I cried underwater the entire time. I just knew what had happened but I didn't want to hear it. My coaches and teammates caught on and a couple of teammates walked me home.
Describe life without your mom.
Describe life without your mom.
I wish she was here but she really shaped a lot of who I am now. In particular, I remember her teaching me to value everyone, to be on time for things, to be responsible and to love life. She tried to teach me to be creative and artistic too but that didn't work :)
How has your mom's battle affected your own pursuit of health?
How has your mom's battle affected your own pursuit of health?
Well, I have been having mammograms since age 22. I also have four check ups a year -- a mammogram, MRI and two doctor exams. I am not fond of doctor offices but it is something I need to do for myself and my family. I don't consider my goal of healthy living related to my Mom's disease but maybe it is.
What would you say to other individuals whose moms are battling breast cancer?
What would you say to other individuals whose moms are battling breast cancer?
Communicate, communicate, communicate. That is one thing that never happened in my household and, in retrospect, I recognize it is an important component of the process.
What else would you like to share?
I learned through this experience that everyone is replaceable except mommy and daddy. If I die tomorrow my friends will go on and remember me fondly, my colleagues at work will hire someone new who will do just as well if not better than me but my boys will be changed forever. So, I guess I want everyone to know their job at home is the most important even if society doesn't make us feel that way.
And, for those who find a good cry therapeutic I recommend the book Motherless Daughters.
1. I thought my tears had finally dried up. I can feel for Kara on so many levels. Having lost my own mother in February to gallbladder cancer, being diagnosed myself with breast cancer 2 months later. Having 2 pre/teen aged daughters. I have been so worried about how all of this is affecting them and your comments offer me some valuable insight, Thank-you. I know how painful my moms death was/is for me and I have a hard time thinking about how tough it must have been for you as a child. I can imagine my youngest reacting the same - going to swim class, acting stoic, falling apart at the same time. This is not something a child should have to contend with. Communication IS key, we can't replace our parents, and yes, a good cry is highly therapeutic. I wish Kara luck in her journey.
Posted at 10:25AM on Oct 9th 2006 by Liane