Today might be the day. I think I finally am going to let my oncologist do tumor markers. I'm scared. I haven't had tumor markers done in about three years. After my treatment ended four years ago I let my doctor do the tumor markers for one year. I thought I was going to go crazy -- living my life in three month increments. I would say to myself, "Well, I can't plan that because what if my tumor markers show something in three months."

Testing and the anxiety that goes with it is something that all cancer survivors have to deal with. I just decided not to deal with it at the time because I didn't feel like I was living and it was ruining my quality of life. When I first started writing for The Cancer Blog one of my first posts was about how I felt about tumor markers. It's not that I don't feel that way anymore but I do feel a new strength that I can deal with whatever happens.

I still have my port in. It will be five years in December since I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I need to get this port out and move on with my life. I feel stuck. I need to know if I really am okay and if not I need to fight what is going on inside of me. I can't hide from it. I haven't told anyone I was going to do this but woke up this morning and I felt it was something I needed to do -- today.

I wonder if I will chicken out! I hope not.