When I sit still in the middle of the day, I fall asleep. I'm not sure if it's a side effect of cancer or of life in general, but as a result, I keep myself moving at all times. I'm always doing something -- writing, emptying the dishwasher, packing a school lunch, reorganizing cabinets and closets and drawers. There's always something to fiddle with, something to keep my body from crashing into a deep sleep.
My little boys have been playing with Lego all afternoon. For hours they have been content and happy and full of imagination. They've built flying boats and castles and pirate contraptions. My wish: to just sit and watch them, to absorb their words, their sound effects, their interactions.
I tried to just sit and watch, tried to hone my quiet observation skills. And then I fell sleep.
It's a dozing-off kind of sleep that creeps up on me and for brief moments, I am lost to the world, sometimes even dreaming for short periods of time. So I find I am more alert and productive in the study of my children when my mind is busy with some sort of task. It's not my ideal scenario. But I figure it's better to be awake and bonding with my boys -- even if it means I'm multitasking -- than sleeping through their special moments.
My boys are still building -- they are making flags for their ships -- and I'm awake. And writing and preparing dinner too.
1. This may sound simple but these are my thoughts.
You have been through a life altering experience with the cancer. There's probably a day that does not go by that it's not on your mind in some way. You have your children, your home, writing for the blog, research, daily chores, shopping, need I go on. I think the times that you just sit and watch your boys is the time your body is saying, it's time to rest for awhile. Watching the boys brings peaceful thoughts, quiet thoughts, feeling safe, so you just drift off into your own little world.
Your multitasking is probably due to your schedule. Without a doubt you are a very busy woman. Speaking for myself, sometimes when I am multitasking to the extreme it's to keep my mind preoccupied, as not to think about my physical health, or allowing my thoughts go to a negative place. But, there comes that time when I simply have to rest, as my body and mind are telling me so, and so I sleep.
I think you should not feel guilty for taking a little time just for you, even if it is just taking a nap. Somehow, I have a feeling you do spend quality time with your boys.
You need and deserve breaks, so take your naps, enjoy your quiet time. Sweet dreams.
Thank you,
Wellness to all, Jason
I have comments on What you don't know can kill you, and Stem cells & regeneration of the liver, but I'll remark on these later, good articles.
Posted at 4:28PM on Mar 31st 2007 by Jason Chambers