When a woman receives a diagnosis of cancer, if she is married, her husband is thrust into the role of caregiver, a role that can be overwhelming. Our culture's expectations of men can complicate this new role even further. Here is some advice for husbands whose wives have been diagnosed with cancer, from Rene Barrat-Gordon, LISW, a social worker at The Cleveland Clinic:
Never falsely reassure her there is nothing to worry about. Anyone with cancer worries.
Don't feel the need to fix everything.
Have at least one person you can talk with besides your partner. And consider the "safety" and friendliness of a support group.
It's OK to cry-even in front of your partner. It doesn't mean you're weak; it means you love her and you feel afraid, anxious or sad.
For more advice on this topic from Barrat-Gordon, please go here.
1. I Dislike the "How Are You Holding Up? Question.
It drives me crazy when people want to focus on me when I have a wife dying of lung cancer. It is all about her, not me. It is not even remotely comparable to worry about the caregiver as much as a person slowly dying of this horrible disease. I would prefer people not ask how I am doing.
Posted at 6:26PM on Sep 13th 2007 by John Knab