When first diagnosed with cancer, I
wrote in my journal: "Time has stopped. The road has ended. Standing on the stage of my life, I hear the final curtain call with one word, cancer. The surgeon says, without any further doubt, without any last minute reprieve from this truth, that I have cancer, an invasive cancer. All hope is lost that my brush with mortality is a mere near-miss and not a full-on collision with death. I listen for my breathing because I wonder if I am still breathing.
Where do I go from here? Will there be any there from here to go towards? What do I need to do next? Is there anything to do next? Does it matter anymore?"
That was four years ago. I am feeling emotionally better now.
In Cancer Resource, there is a section on the intense emotions that come in the first days and weeks after diagnosis; denial, anger, fear, stress, loneliness and depression. All normal reactions to a cancer diagnosis, most are temporary. Denial softens the impact and gives time to process information. Anger asks "why me?" and is often a way of expressing fear and a sense of hopelessness. Fear of the unknown, pain, dying, the physical effects and costs of treatment, or the burden it will place on the family. Stress at the shock of a cancer diagnosis. Loneliness because friends stay away. Depression, or feelings of sadness, despair and helplessness.
Cancer Resource is a primer for the newly-diagnosed cancer patient, and covers all the basics of diagnosis, treatment and care, and after treatment issues. Cancer Resource is a 32-page free book available online as a PDF document.
