After several weeks of hiding and down time, a few weeks ago I made an official announcement to the non profit organization that I founded Indie Music For Life and its two entities Laughs For Life and Indiegrrl. I dropped off of this blog page for a month and am ready to write again. I needed a break. A break to sort through things. To sort through life.

When you or a loved one are diagnosed with cancer it changes your life. Finding out you have cancer takes your breath away and from that point your breath is the most valuable thing to you in your life. Breath and time. Nothing is normal any more. Not your dreams, your nightmares, and not your waking moments.

A personal diagnosis of chronic myloid leukemia in February sent me into a whirlwind of emotions. At that point, all the fear, terror, and stomach knots from my past rounds of cancer came back. Nobody free of cancer could ever appreciate how utterly devastating the news of contracting it could be and the news that it has returned is even more devastating because you know what uphill climbs you must make again. Once you have been diagnosed with cancer you always look over your shoulder for the beast to return. He has caught up with me several times now and so I am speeding up in my race trying to see who is the best long distance runner. Every ache you feel or every little un-ordinary thing that happens with your body sends you into " What If " mode. It is extremely hard living in that mode of thinking but you can't avoid it.

My past struggles with cancer were very private. But then I was not the head of a non profit organization that raises money for cancer research and educational awareness on the powers of music and laughter as therapy for cancer patients. I wasn't the head of the largest networking group of female songwriters known as Indiegrrl that has since become a part of Indie Music for Life. Laughs For Life had not even been thought of yet and now with the direction and help of good friend and comedian Shelly Ryan it is now a reality. I hadn't even started my music career. Having cancer is what lead me to pursue my career in music and chase my dreams. It wasn't until I started working on my CDs that my cancer became really public other than with my close friends and family and then working to set up the Indie Music For Life non profit put it out there even more.

Indie Music For Life non profit raising funds for cancer research and for educational awareness of music as therapy for cancer patients has launched a new entity of their non profit called Laughs For Life. Indie Music For Life works with independent singer songwriters in fund raising concert events and producing yearly compilation CDs. Laughs For Life will work with comedians and will produce comedy events and comedy CDs. Comedian Shelly Ryan in Atlanta Georgia was "MC" at a combination dinner and music fund raising event in Georgia last year and the idea was spawned to start including comedy into the shows and to also set up separate comedy events to bring in funds.

Indie Music For Life just finished the submission process for artists to send in songs to be considered for the 2007 compilation CD project and the selected artists will be announced soon. The CD will go up for sale at online music locations soon.

Shelly Ryan is heading up the comedy CD project and working on events for the Southeast region and can be reached at shellyryancomedy@yahoo.com if you are interested in becoming a part of this project. For more information on music happenings and getting involved with the music event fund raising you can contact indiemusicforlife@yahoo.com.

In her award-winning documentary Toxic Bust, filmmaker Megan Siler takes on the issues and realities of toxic chemicals women are exposed to at home, in the community, and during work in relation to the potential links to breast cancer. Siler focuses on three breast cancer hot spots -- San Francisco and Silicon Valley in California and Cape Cod in Massachusetts.

Siler is not alone in her investigative work of environmental links to cancer risks. Even though the current percentage of federally-funded research dollars allocated to the links between cancer and exposure to environmental toxins is in the single-digits, there are those who have spent a good deal of time, energy and resources into studying the cause and effect of the environmental risks to cancer. In the last six years, the Environmental Working Group (EWG) has conducted extensive studies regarding toxic chemicals in the environment. Among the 72 people who participated in the EWG studies, a chemical body burden of 455 industrial pollutants, pesticides and other chemicals in blood, urine, and breast milk were found.

The Toxic-Free Legacy Coalition analyzed the hair, blood, and urine samples of ten study participants and found that every person tested had at least 26 and as many as 39 toxic chemicals in his or her body and the exposure to toxic chemicals came from everyday activities and products. Breast Cancer Action released State of the Evidence 2006: What Is the Connection Between the Environment and Breast Cancer? which provided compelling scientific evidence pointing to some of the 100,000 synthetic chemicals in use today as contributing to the development of breast cancer, either by altering hormone function or gene expression. The report also identifies radiation exposure, such as that from X-rays and CT scans, as the longest-established environmental cause of breast cancer. In the United States, a woman's lifetime risk of developing breast cancer has tripled in the last 40 years.

Wendy Mesley, co-host of CBC's Marketplace and breast cancer survivor, produced and hosted the investigative documentary Chasing the Cancer Answer, that provided revealing interviews with an outspoken American doctor, frustrated cancer victims in southern Ontario, pharmaceutical sales representatives in Paris, France, and activists working to increase awareness of prevention measures. Greenpeace issued a report that Chernobyl cancer deaths have been grossly underestimated. Award-winning and highly-respected journalist and public commentator Bill Moyers produced a PBS documentary Trade Secrets investigating the history of the chemical revolution and the body burden of synthetic chemicals that pose dangers to human health.

We have additional links related to the topic of environmental links to cancer risk at Earth Day: environmental cancer risks and Cancer Epidemic: are we poisoned from birth? Cancer defines about 100 diseases characterized by the uncontrolled, abnormal growth of cells. No one single factor is going to be the cause for all cancers. However, environmental exposure from toxic chemicals cannot be ignored as one, and perhaps multiple, contributing factors in raising the risks of developing cancer.

Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2004, television journalist and young mother Ann Murray Paige set up a video camera in her bedroom to chronicle her struggle to fight and survive breast cancer.

With filmmaker Linda Pattillo, Paige, who was 38 at the time of her breast cancer diagnosis, documents her thoughts and feelings and the experiences of her family as they go with her through cancer treatment and recovery.

"Ann's journey reveals her previously untapped power as she fights not only for her own survival, but to be there for her children. The Breast Cancer Diaries unflinchingly documents one woman's battle against a disease that every woman fears. It does so with wit, compassion, insight and best of all--an unvarnished commitment to the embrace of life!" You can watch Uncut Video excerpt interviews with Paige here.

You can learn more about the documentary here. You can read Paige's blog here.

Coping with the fear of cancer recurrence is something in my every day mindset as well as many cancer survivors. When my cancer did come back, it doubled my fears often sending me into panic attacks. Often examining every inch of my body for signs of cancer several times a day, I found myself crying in my bathroom and then eventually going into a denial mindset that if I didn't know about it, it would just go away. Fear of any kind if let in consistently can eat away at your ability to function even simple every day tasks. Fear leads to a lot of depression and stress and that in turn leads your body into a state of vulnerability of disease including recurrence of cancer.

Both times my cancer came back was following two very stressful times in my life, so I do not have any doubt about the effects stress plays on a body. So how can you not stress? How can you get that fear out of the back of your mind? I am asked at least 2 or 3 times a week, how do I keep a positive mindset and focus on so much work. It is not simple and it is not an easy thing to do. My advice is always, find meaning and learn focus.

Indie Music For Life, a non-profit organization working to raise money for cancer research and music therapy programs, released its 2006 compilation CD that includes 18 artists that sells for $10 dollars. Indie Music For Life has the slogan Fighting Cancer One Song At A Time and they reach their goals by producing compilation CDs working with independent singer songwriters that donate songs for the cause. They also organize benefit concerts with the help of Indie artists from around the US.  Some of the artists also sell the compilations at their own personal shows to increase visibility of the organization and the work it is trying to do.

Indie Music For Life is organizing a new project for children cancer patients in the hopes of getting many CDs in the hands of children going through cancer for free in an effort to add music as part of their therapy. Submissions for children's songs are being taken and reviewed and informational packets on music as therapy are being put together. Indie Music For Life is taking tax deductible donations for this project as well as others on their website.

You can purchase compilation CDs from 2004, 2005, and 2006 as well as other items to help raise money for cancer research by visiting their website at http://www.indiemusicforlife.org.  "What better way to do your part in fighting this disease is there, than to listen to music and help raise money for cancer research and other programs like the children's music therapy program" said Cori Lynn, Vice President of Indie Music For Life,  who is organizing and setting up volunteers for the children's music therapy program.

Breast cancer and chemotherapy
Took away her crown and glory
She promised God if she was to survive
She would enjoy everyday of her life ...
On national television
Her diamond eyes are sparkling
Bald headed like a full moon shining
Singing out to the whole wide world like HEY ...

I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations no no
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am a soul that lives within ...

On May 16, 12-time Grammy-nominated India.Arie released a new single I Am Not My Hair as a music video and as a single from the new album, Testimony: Vol. 1, Life & Relationship, set for release on June 27. I heard about the new song from Priscilla's Bouncing for Boobs blog, and in chat among other breast cancer survivors. Verse three of the lyrics are specific to a woman's breast cancer experience of hair loss and chemotherapy. As usual, with inspirational independence, inner strength, an ability to see the world more clearly than most and the creative ability to express that clarity with soul, wisdom and tender truth, I predict this song will touch a deep cord within the breast cancer survivor community.