After several weeks of hiding and down time, a few weeks ago I made an official announcement to the non profit organization that I founded Indie Music For Life and its two entities Laughs For Life and Indiegrrl. I dropped off of this blog page for a month and am ready to write again. I needed a break. A break to sort through things. To sort through life.

When you or a loved one are diagnosed with cancer it changes your life. Finding out you have cancer takes your breath away and from that point your breath is the most valuable thing to you in your life. Breath and time. Nothing is normal any more. Not your dreams, your nightmares, and not your waking moments.

A personal diagnosis of chronic myloid leukemia in February sent me into a whirlwind of emotions. At that point, all the fear, terror, and stomach knots from my past rounds of cancer came back. Nobody free of cancer could ever appreciate how utterly devastating the news of contracting it could be and the news that it has returned is even more devastating because you know what uphill climbs you must make again. Once you have been diagnosed with cancer you always look over your shoulder for the beast to return. He has caught up with me several times now and so I am speeding up in my race trying to see who is the best long distance runner. Every ache you feel or every little un-ordinary thing that happens with your body sends you into " What If " mode. It is extremely hard living in that mode of thinking but you can't avoid it.

My past struggles with cancer were very private. But then I was not the head of a non profit organization that raises money for cancer research and educational awareness on the powers of music and laughter as therapy for cancer patients. I wasn't the head of the largest networking group of female songwriters known as Indiegrrl that has since become a part of Indie Music for Life. Laughs For Life had not even been thought of yet and now with the direction and help of good friend and comedian Shelly Ryan it is now a reality. I hadn't even started my music career. Having cancer is what lead me to pursue my career in music and chase my dreams. It wasn't until I started working on my CDs that my cancer became really public other than with my close friends and family and then working to set up the Indie Music For Life non profit put it out there even more.

Indie Music For Life non profit raising funds for cancer research and for educational awareness of music as therapy for cancer patients has launched a new entity of their non profit called Laughs For Life. Indie Music For Life works with independent singer songwriters in fund raising concert events and producing yearly compilation CDs. Laughs For Life will work with comedians and will produce comedy events and comedy CDs. Comedian Shelly Ryan in Atlanta Georgia was "MC" at a combination dinner and music fund raising event in Georgia last year and the idea was spawned to start including comedy into the shows and to also set up separate comedy events to bring in funds.

Indie Music For Life just finished the submission process for artists to send in songs to be considered for the 2007 compilation CD project and the selected artists will be announced soon. The CD will go up for sale at online music locations soon.

Shelly Ryan is heading up the comedy CD project and working on events for the Southeast region and can be reached at shellyryancomedy@yahoo.com if you are interested in becoming a part of this project. For more information on music happenings and getting involved with the music event fund raising you can contact indiemusicforlife@yahoo.com.

I am headed out the door this Christmas morning -- with my husband and two little boys -- to my sister's house where our family members will gather to celebrate the spirit of the season. There will be good food and good company and good laughs -- and good gifts too. And while I have managed to create a mini wish list -- I'm liking decorative tin stars this year and I'll always take the gift of a pedicure -- there is only one gift I really want. Time.

I have been surviving breast cancer for two years. I've seen my oldest child march off to kindergarten and my youngest son grow into an independent little soul. I've seen my hair grow, my anxiety diminish, and my writing career blossom. Time is quite a gift. And I want more of it.

I want to see my kids tackle first grade and preschool. I want to further develop my writing pursuits. And I want meet my sister's new baby, due at the end of May.

I believe in my head and my heart and my gut that I have a lot more time left on this planet. But just to be safe, I'm keeping time on my wish list for as long as I can. Because all ll I really want for Christmas -- every Christmas -- is time.

I spend 10.5 hours every weekday on my own with some combination of my two little boys. My day starts each morning and extends through meals and playtime and laughs and tears and fights and struggles and snuggles -- but never a nap -- and even a part-time preschool job where one or two boys always tag along. Sometimes I try to write during the day while my boys are happy and occupied. Typically, I don't accomplish much. Interruptions are endless -- as they should be for a mostly stay-at-home mom who chooses to devote her daytime hours to raising children.

And so I go it alone until dinner time when my husband returns from work and selflessly takes over and sets me free. He cooks, serves, and cleans up dinner. He plays and entertains and wrestles and heads up bath and book time. And then he transports each boy on his back to their respective beds.

During my moments of freedom each evening, I lose myself in my thoughts -- and I begin to write. I love my mommy job -- and wouldn't trade it for any other full-time job -- but I also love being alone. And I love writing.

Helen Keller said, "I must have something besides husband and children, something I can devote myself to! I want to go on living even after my death! And therefore, I am grateful to God for giving me this gift, this possibility of developing myself, and of writing, of expressing all that is within me."

Writing -- mostly about cancer -- helps me develop my surviving self. It helps me express all that is within me. And maybe it's fitting that I don't get too much time to dwell on the disease that consumed me for two years. If I had to choose between two busy boys and a life busy with cancer, I'd take two boys in an instant. At the end of the day, a little bit of writing about a little of cancer suits me just fine.

Breast cancer and fun usually aren't in the same sentence. At Susan and Mary's blog that is what you're going to get! Susan was diagnosed with breast cancer in the spring of 2005. These girls do take the devastation of cancer seriously. Susan lost her mom at a young age to breast cancer.

Susan says that her webpage is "quirky but serious." She wants the website to save your day and help you focus on what is good.

You'll find on the website things like Julie loves radiation! and Beth LOVES chemo and is having GREAT FUN! These girls are determined to look on the bright side and make you laugh in the process.

We just had a family water balloon toss -- me, my husband, and our two little boys. Little hands helped fill tiny balloons that were tossed and fumbled and rolled all over our sidewalk and driveway. Our game resulted in wet clothing and wet hair and lots of laughs. And when we walked inside to prepare for dinner, Joey -- five years old -- said, fun is good for the body. I told him that he is so right -- fun is good for the body, And this one fact really needs no scientific proof or validation -- although I'm sure research is out there to support this simple truth. Fun is simply good for the body. And anyone who has felt the aftermath of fun knows what I mean. It sends good vibes through the body, it relieves stress, it refreshes and recharges, it lightens the load.

So try to incorporate some fun into your weekend -- organize your own water balloon toss, fly a kite, take a bike ride, go rock climbing or sailing or swimming. Whatever you choose, consider it a gift to your body. Celebrate yourself. Celebrate life. Celebrate Independence Day. Set yourself free and enjoy all the moments you have at your disposal. And if you like what you feel, try having fun every day.