I'm sad, worried, and frustrated because of what happened to me at the beach this past weekend. I got burned. Really burned.

I thought I did everything right. I applied sunscreen, even had my husband coat my back, shoulders, and hard-to-reach spots with the powerful lotion intended to block the sun's most damaging rays. I sat underneath an umbrella while watching my boys, their own pale bodies slathered in a baby sunblock potion, as they jumped, ran, and bounced in the waves. I reapplied my sunscreen after a short stint in the pool and a stroll on the sand left my skin feeling tender. Still, I sizzled. My back is red, the skin underneath my suit straps white as can be in contrast to the bright color it borders, My chest is red and sore and itchy with bumps.

I feel sick, like I've exponentially upped my risk for skin cancer. As a cancer survivor, I feel particularly vulnerable. I not only fear a return of breast cancer, you see. I fear other cancers too. My ultra white skin already puts me at risk for sun damage. My past forays into sunbathing don't help. What happened this weekend, I'm afraid, makes things worse.

It feels like summer here in Florida. Our temps topped 86 degrees last week and this kind of heat prompts my little boys to request their favorite summertime activity: swimming.

My kids don't quite understand that the temperature outside is not the same as the temperature of unheated water. And so as soon as warm weather arrives, they dash for their suits and insist we make a trip to the neighborhood pool. I oblige, convinced they'll want to head home once they submerge their piggy toes in pure ice.

But somehow, the temperature doesn't register. They plunge right in, dunk their heads and kick and flop and float. They are happy as clams, quivering lips and all. I am happy too as I watch their joyous moments from the privacy of my lounge chair, tucked away in the shade that borders my kids' perfect playland.

Thanks to chemo, I am the mommy who hides in the shadows during any sunny event. It's been two whole years since my last dose of toxic drugs, but something about the sun and the heat and the residual effects of my infused poison causes my skin to produce red, itchy, unsightly bumps. It happened last year and already this year and I'm wondering now if this will be a life-long nuisance, if I will be seeking shade for the rest of my years.

It's all OK really. Secluding myself from the sun's rays is a pretty healthy venture. And I'm not a real pool enthusiast. Any my boys are old enough to swim independently. And it's peaceful in the shade. So I'm not bitter about this unexpected side effect of chemo -- it's called UV recall -- and I'm not complaining. I'm merely marveling at the power of the drugs that hopefully killed all the cancer in my body, the drugs that seem to creep back year after year, perhaps reminding me that in the whole scheme of things, red, itchy, unsightly bumps are not such a bad life condition.

On Friday, I was full of anxiety and panic and worry -- all over a lump I feel in my left breast that my oncologist says is probably just scar tissue from my lumpectomy two years ago. I don't like the word probably and the more I thought about it, the more unsettled I became. Too many young women hear that the suspicious bumps and lumps they detect in their breasts are nothing to worry about -- and too many women go on to later discover that these same bumps and lumps are in fact cancer. Sometimes it's in enough time to treat the cancer -- and sometimes it's too late.

I am a young woman -- 36 years old -- and I have already had breast cancer. I do not wish to obsess for my entire life about cancer but when I feel a lump in my breast, I want to know it is definitely nothing to worry about. Or I want to know that it is definitely something to worry about -- so I can treat it early.

So when I first got a mammogram and ultrasound appointment scheduled for a week from Friday, I accepted it and wrote it down in my calendar. And then panic set in. I realized I could not wait one week and that I should be able to demand a quicker response. So I called my doctor's office, spoke to the receptionist through uncontrollable tears, and somehow ended up with the doctor herself on the phone. "What's wrong?" she said. "I'm freaking out," I told her. "What do you want to do?" she asked. "Do you want to come in right now?" She told me she had a busy day, had a biopsy to perform that would take a while, but that I could come hang out in her office until she could get to me. Or I could come in on Monday, she said. I let myself calm down a bit and told her Monday would be good. She asked me what time I wanted to come -- she offered me any time that fit my schedule. I chose 9:00 AM.

So tomorrow morning, I will find out what exactly sits underneath the skin on my left breast, near my armpit -- what exactly it is that feels to me like a little mound of tissue that just doesn't seem right. Maybe it's scar tissue -- and I hope it is -- and maybe it's something else. I can only hope that at the end of my appointment I look foolish for pursuing something that doesn't deserve the attention I'm giving it. But if it does deserve attention, I will know I've done the right thing by vigorously pursuing an appointment I just couldn't wait one week for.

In the past year, I have had three severe skin reactions characterized by red, itchy, burning bumps that start on my chest and without fail climb over my shoulders and onto my back. They last for a few weeks, are irritated by the Florida heat, and have had no known cause -- until today when I visited my dermatologist for a skin cancer screening and briefed her on this bizarre condition that has kept me away from sunscreen and out of the swimming pool and in hiding from the sun. I have suspected that sunscreen, chlorine, the sun -- or some combination of the three -- have been my potential irritants. So I've been avoiding them altogether. But I learned today that the sunscreen and the chlorine are not to blame. That leaves the sun, which is the most likely culprit -- and only because I have received chemotherapy with one very toxic drug. Adriamycin.

My dermatologist told me about a phenomenon called UV Recall that is associated with Adriamycin. Apparently the toxicity of this drug, even though administered long ago, can be recalled, causing a reaction when the UV rays of the sun soak into my skin. Sunscreen may help, my doctor told me, but she cautioned me that it is just a screen -- it does not offer full protection. And she said the best suncreen option would include zinc oxide. I think for me, though, staying out of the sun is my best bet. It's not ideal -- it means I will remain on the fringe of the swimming pool, hiding in the shade, while my boys swim their little hearts out. And tropical vacations will be off my wish list. And I will seek outdoor fun mostly after the sun goes down. But this is okay -- I knew there were long-term side effects of chemotherapy drugs. I am just thankful for now that my heart has not been compromised -- a side effect of both Adriamycin and the drug Herceptin that I have also received. And it's also not a bad thing that the steps I must now take to prevent skin reactions are also the steps that protect me from skin cancer. So in some sort of round-about way, my inconvenient skin issues may just help me stay healthy. And that's just fine with me.

I was examined yesterday by my radiation oncologist and two medical students during a six-month follow-up appointment. And any apprehension I had prior to the visit -- about a recurrence of breast cancer or the detection of cancer somewhere else in my body -- is gone. Because I walked away with the news that I am doing just fine. No lumps or bumps or suspicious masses were found. No enlarged lymph nodes were detected. And since I did not report any pain or tenderness or sensitivity or other trouble, I was sent on my way with nothing more than a notice for a return appointment in another six months. I have other appointments hanging in the balance -- one with my medical oncologist in August and a mammogram in November -- and I am sure hesitation and worry will again sneak into my head. But for now, I can only feel the true exhilaration that comes from truly good news. Like the exhilaration that comes from a breathtaking moment at the ocean -- where the power and beauty of the sea and the sky and the sand is all it takes for one five-year-old boy to feel amazingly free.

Strange things have happened to my skin ever since I encountered surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation for breast cancer. I developed an allergic reaction to the Tegaderm tape and latex used during and after my lumpectomy. My entire chest and one underarm were covered in red, itchy, burning, blistery bumps that oozed and then dried up. It took weeks of misery and a bunch of creams, lotions, and drugs to calm my skin and my anxiety too. Then I became allergic to an antibiotic while I was hospitalized for chemo-induced fever and low blood counts. The same horrible skin reaction again covered my chest and this time, my back also. It happened again a few months ago after a trip to the beach and I can only imagine that it was some combination of salt water, sunscreen, and chlorine that prompted this attack. I am still not sure of the cause. But it struck once again recently after a trip to my neighborhood pool. Sunscreen and chlorine were again my possible enemies. So I am staying away from all possible culprits now -- the tape, latex, certain antibiotics, sunscreen, salt water, and chlorine. And of course, the sun too. Perhaps treatment has made my skin even more sensitive than it already was. Perhaps something else is at fault. Regardless, I am now ultra careful about anything I put on my skin. I avoid most everything -- except for Dove soap and sometimes some fruity smelling lotion for my legs -- and I look for anything that is targeted for delicate skin.

So an advertisement in a magazine caught my eye today -- an ad for a hypo-allergenic deodorant that is highly recommended by dermatologists and oncologists. Naturally Fresh Deodorant Crystal Spray Mist and Roll On are both extremely gentle and also very effective. They are 100 percent natural and are fragrance free. They last for up to 24 hours, do not stain, and are good for one year. Like some deodorants that merely mask odor, these actually kill the bacteria that causes odor. Naturally Fresh Deodorant seems like a great find to me -- and it can be found CVS, Target, GNC, Hannaford Bros., A&P, Harmon Stores, Drug Fair, and Kerr Drug in the United States and Shoppers Drug Mart, Jean Coutu, and GNC in Canada.

Young women sometimes are dismissed when they pursue medical attention for suspicious lumps, bumps, pains, or changes in their breasts -- because breast cancer is not so common in young women and medical professionals may assume that breast cancer is not the culprit for the complaints brought before them by young women. But young women do get breast cancer -- I did at age 34 -- and many times, the tumors found in young breasts are more aggressive than those that appear for older women. So it is critical that young women seek medical attention for anything out-of-the-ordinary. And it is critical that doctors respond with urgency so that breast cancer in young women can be detected early -- and treated appropriately.