I was going to write a blog later in my series of blogs on toxins and stress and disease from the studies that I have been reading for the last month. But since a comment was made about stress and whether it has a correlation to disease to the previous blog I wrote on toxins and stress creating disease in our bodies, I will jump ahead and share some research I found on the relation of stress and disease. A relation to stress and disease has been researched by many doctors, psychologists, and medical research facilities and conclusions are that stress does several things to the body causing it to shut down in areas that can effect the body with disease and illness.

Do the common phrases, Tension Headache, Upset Stomach, Shaky Nerves, Tight Chest, ring a bell? Studies showed that work place stress has created an increase in heart disease and high blood pressure as well as making the body more susceptible to flu and viruses. It also has shown that stress can be related to Type 2 Diabetes as well as obesity. "Stress in general can disrupt the body's ability to process glucose, especially in people whose genetics make them vulnerable", said Richard Surwit of the Duke University Medical Center in a research article in the November/December issue of the journal Psychosomatic Medicine.

My friend -- who has a friend newly diagnosed with brain cancer -- greeted me at the door the other day and asked with a sense of urgency, "How can I help?"

"Help your friend?" I asked.

"Yes, she said, unsure of what she might say or do in this time of great difficulty for everyone involved.

I told her a few things. And then I thought of some more. It wasn't terribly easy to come up with these ideas. Because even though I myself was on the receiving end of help during my cancer journey, it's still hard to imagine what an individual wants or needs -- or doesn't want or need. But here's what I've got to offer.

I hope this helps my friend.

I hope it helps you too.

• Allow your loved one to take the lead. If you sense this person wants to talk, then talk. If you sense talk is not welcomed, then don't talk. To determine whether or not your friend or family member wants to discuss cancer, approach the topic and judge the response you get. I know I can usually tell if someone is willing to open up -- typically the conversation just flows -- and when someone is putting the brakes on chit-chat -- typically the conversation falls flat.

• If talk is not in the cards, then consider an offer of food. Sometimes actions speak much louder than words. So think about calling a restaurant in your friend's town and ordering a meal to be delivered right to the door. Most eating establishments accept credit card numbers over the phone so location should be a non-issue. Even those deep in despair need to eat, and taking away the chore of cooking and cleaning up can be quite a gift.

• If the gift of food is not up your alley, how about sending a small gift, like a candle, a pair of cozy socks, a grocery store gift card, a music CD, a gift certificate for a spa. You name it, your special something might brighten the day.

• If you live near your loved one and have some free time, offer to drive to appointments, visit during treatments, pick up kids and entertain them for the day, clean house, cook, and clean up dinner. Try to be very specific with your offers. Say, "I'd like to pick up your kids tomorrow at lunch so you can take a nap" or "I'm coming over on Sunday to rake leaves." These offers are easier to accept than the "call me if you need anything" kind.
  

• If a quick stop at your loved one's house is possible, drop off a book on the front porch or set some pretty potted flowers by the door. Or do both. Then walk away without saying a word. Let your help take your friend by surprise.

• When you do have the chance to talk, avoid guiding the conversation with your own thoughts and advice, unless requested. Saying, "Everything will be OK," for example, may not be true. Assuring your friend she will sail right through chemotherapy may backfire if nausea and fatigue are just down the road. Stating, "it's OK, your hair will grow back," doesn't really help those living with the horror of hair loss. So stay away from promises and predictions and stick to the present. Ask questions, listen, and paraphrase back what your friend has shared. These are basic counseling techniques. The premise is that allowing the person to work through the issues is more important than what we can do to directly help.
  

• Don't forget about the good old greeting card or short note that lets your loved know how much you care. Let the card say it if you wish to avoid writing and then add an address, a stamp, and send your support on its way.
  

• This makes eight -- so much for sticking to my Sunday plan -- but I must share this too: Don't forget about your loved one after months and even years pass by. Initial diagnoses are tough and treatments are tough too. But as your friend survives each day, remember to check in. Cancer is a life-long battle for many. Support and assistance may be just as valuable a year down the road as it is on day one.

The topic of my hair is often the subject of conversation -- and is a constant reminder that this brown curly hair I have covering my head is nothing like the straight blond hair I was born with, grew up with, was known for. Because my little boys have white blond hair, I am consistently asked by strangers, "Where did your boys get that blond hair?" "From me," is what I want to say because it's the truth -- but that would make no sense to anyone who does not know me, anyone who does not know that my hair -- that once looked much like my boys' hair -- was lost to chemotherapy and returned shockingly different. So sometimes I just chuckle in wonder with these strangers who may not expect an answer anyway. Or I tell them the story -- if they seem to really want in on the details of the mystery. Most people are surprised that my hair grew back like it did. I am not surprised -- I was warned that it might happen -- although it is still a startling discovery each time I look in the mirror, each time I look back at photos, each time I see gray hairs emerging through my dark hair -- gray that only slightly showed up in the midst of my blond locks.

The memory of my blond hair keeps popping up. My husband told me the other day that he had a dream about me -- I was in a restaurant, at a table, by myself. He was walking toward me. And I had blond hair. The rest of the dream is insignificant. The blond hair is significant. And the other day, I pulled my brush out of my purse. It hasn't been used in more than a year -- because I don't brush my curls at all -- and at the base of the brush, wound around the bristles, were long blond strands of hair. My blond hair. My old hair. The same hair I showed my friend who visited from Ohio last week -- the hair that was once on my head, was cut off in preparation of the great fallout, and is now kept in a ziplock bag.

I like my brown hair. I like my curls. But I miss my blond hair. I am sad that I no longer match my children, that I don't look like the bride in my wedding photo, that I will attend my 20-year high school reunion in two years and will wear a photo name tag that looks nothing like me. I like the familiar -- which is why I never wanted to show my bald head, why I covered my head with blond wigs and hats to keep my appearance as close to normal as possible. And then in a strange turn of events, my hair grew back in an unfamiliar fashion -- and somehow the question, "I see where your boys get that blond hair" flip-flopped into "Where did your boys get that blond hair?" It is all still new to me. I know one day it will become familiar and normal and not such a big deal. Some day. I hope.

In an earlier post, I mentioned that the Major League Baseball's Prostate Cancer Foundation's Home Run Challenge will be using Father's Day as a way to raise awareness about prostate cancer at the games played on Sunday. I said I thought it was a clever way solution for daughters who might feel awkward beginning a conversation about prostate health with their dad. I wondered if Hallmark made a card for the occasion, or how realistic it would be that many daughters would say, "Happy Father's Day and have you thought about your prostate lately."

I might have been alone in my opinion of a daughter's reluctance to speak about prostate cancer with her dad on Father's Day as a way to make him aware of his prostate and prostate cancer risks, but it appears the Prostate Cancer Foundation anticipated this awkwardness as common enough a situation they have developed a Father's Day Kit that offers women tips on how to start a prostate health conversation with their father. The kit includes conversation tips, an introduction to cancer, and frequently asked questions about prostate cancer.

You can download the Father's Day Kit here. I recommend downloading it, however, I am going to make an independent suggestion that I am certain will be frowned upon by all the organizations using Father's Day as a way to raise awareness for prostate cancer.

Skip  the conversation until Monday. Some days were meant for all the joy that can possibly be had, and I don't care how well you bring the subject up, reminding your dad of a disease he should be worried about seems more of a buzz kill than a help. Just enjoy your dad on the one day of the year designated to honor him for being a great dad, and allow him an opportunity to enjoy everything that Father's Day means in family gatherings and celebration. The conversation about prostate health can wait one more day.