After several weeks of hiding and down time, a few weeks ago I made an official announcement to the non profit organization that I founded Indie Music For Life and its two entities Laughs For Life and Indiegrrl. I dropped off of this blog page for a month and am ready to write again. I needed a break. A break to sort through things. To sort through life.

When you or a loved one are diagnosed with cancer it changes your life. Finding out you have cancer takes your breath away and from that point your breath is the most valuable thing to you in your life. Breath and time. Nothing is normal any more. Not your dreams, your nightmares, and not your waking moments.

A personal diagnosis of chronic myloid leukemia in February sent me into a whirlwind of emotions. At that point, all the fear, terror, and stomach knots from my past rounds of cancer came back. Nobody free of cancer could ever appreciate how utterly devastating the news of contracting it could be and the news that it has returned is even more devastating because you know what uphill climbs you must make again. Once you have been diagnosed with cancer you always look over your shoulder for the beast to return. He has caught up with me several times now and so I am speeding up in my race trying to see who is the best long distance runner. Every ache you feel or every little un-ordinary thing that happens with your body sends you into " What If " mode. It is extremely hard living in that mode of thinking but you can't avoid it.

My past struggles with cancer were very private. But then I was not the head of a non profit organization that raises money for cancer research and educational awareness on the powers of music and laughter as therapy for cancer patients. I wasn't the head of the largest networking group of female songwriters known as Indiegrrl that has since become a part of Indie Music for Life. Laughs For Life had not even been thought of yet and now with the direction and help of good friend and comedian Shelly Ryan it is now a reality. I hadn't even started my music career. Having cancer is what lead me to pursue my career in music and chase my dreams. It wasn't until I started working on my CDs that my cancer became really public other than with my close friends and family and then working to set up the Indie Music For Life non profit put it out there even more.

Seven sweet, simple words were hurled at me last night by my oldest child, Joey -- the boy who makes me as crazy as he does happy.

Joey, six, was all snuggled in bed, cozy with his soft blankets, squishy pillows, and three favorite stuffed puppies. I gave him my usual speech -- Sweet dreams. I love you. Now don't get out of bed -- and then made my usual trek to another room for some me-time. My trip was stopped short, though, because a strong urge inspired me to reverse my steps and return to Joey.

"What are you doing, mommy?" Joey asked as I walked back into the room.

"I thought I'd come rest with you for a little bit," I told him. "Is that OK?" I asked, knowing full well any excuse to avoid sleep is just fine with him

Joey sat straight up, pure joy coloring his tired face. I took this to mean he welcomed my return. And so I crawled into bed and hugged Joey tight. And that's when he spoke the seven words that caused tears to pour from my eyes -- the kind of tears that spill out when the human body can no longer harness its emotion.

The words:

"Mommy, I love you so, so much."

Ever since Joey blessed me with these words, I can't seem to get one thought out of my head.

The thought:

God, I hope I survive cancer long enough to hold this boy in my arms until he is all grown up, until he is wrapping his arms around his own loving child.

I really hope this is not too much to ask.

What a gift it would be if it were possible to sleep through cancer, literally sleep through the entire experience -- from diagnosis through the end of treatment -- and wake up on the other end of the bad dream. Unfortunately, this isn't possible. We must be alert and aware and active in our own plans for survival. All we are typically permitted are now-and-then naps and nighttime sleep -- if we can manage to actually sleep at night.

My sleep was never disturbed during my cancer journey. Night after night, just after my head hit my pillow, my body drifted right to sleep -- only waking for brief trips to the bathroom and to get out of bed the next day. I might have had an occasional sleepless night. But for the most part, I count myself as one lucky cancer patient, blessed with restful and regular sleep.

Not all cancer patients are privileged sleepers. And with all I was enduring during my own cancer ordeal -- emotions, hospitalizations, treatments, side effects, and pain -- it's a wonder I was able to manage so well in the sleep department.

Sleep is critical for maintaining strength and energy while fighting cancer -- while living life in general really. When nighttime sleep is disrupted, interrupted, or downright impossible, normal functioning and healing are compromised. So the quest for good, quality sleep should make its way to the top of your cancer to-do list. And if you are not sure just how to begin such a quest, consider these seven strategies for sleeping through cancer -- compliments of Marie-Helene Savard, doctoral student in psychology, and Dr. Josee Savard, associate professor and researcher of psychology at Laval University Cancer Research Center in Quebec, Canada.

• Set aside at least one hour to relax before going to bed.
• Go to bed only when you feel sleepy -- which is not the same as fatigue.
• If you can't fall asleep or can't go back to sleep after 20 or 30 minutes, get out of bed and leave the bedroom. Do something else -- and only go back to bed when you feel sleepy again. Repeat as necessary.
• Get up at the same time every day -- regardless of how much sleep you got. Use an alarm clock to wake.
• Use your bedroom only for sleep and sexual activities. Avoid reading, working, watching TV, or listening to the radio in the bedroom.
• Avoid napping. If you must take a nap, do so before 3:00 PM and for less than one hour.
• Keep realistic expectations about sleep -- avoid worrying about the amount of sleep you should have or the amount of time it takes you to fall asleep -- and try to become tolerant of your lack of sleep.

Sweet dreams.

I found Sark long ago -- about 10 years ago when I was working with college students on a campus in Virginia. Part of my job was supervising Resident Assistants -- students who live and work on the residence hall floors and are responsible for building community among residents -- advising them and counseling them and mentoring them and stepping in when conflict and trouble arises. It's a tough job -- being a peer and being in charge at the same time -- and Resident Assistants receive intensive training on how to best manage a floor of students possibly living away from home for the first time. I got to train these student leaders at times -- and Sark's books helped me motivate, inspire, and get to know these individuals. And over the years, as I assumed other jobs and roles and purposes, I found that Sark was still a great companion for me. And now I realize that what Sark has to offer really applies to anyone looking for a little inspiration, a little direction, a little creativity, a little delight.

There are all sorts of gifts for dad on Father's Day -- shirts and ties and books and coffee mugs and golf balls -- and many of us have already spent money on the stuff we can wrap up and deliver or mail off to dad on this special day. But some gifts -- the ones we can't wrap up -- have an appeal that is priceless because they focus on the moment, they build relationships, and they promote mental and physical health. And here are just seven simple but everlasting gifts to consider sharing with dad on this Father's Day.

Brian Mammen, who is currently a South Hills High School senior, was diagnosed with bone cancer when he was 15 years old. He has recently suffered a relapse and the cancer has spread. He is not doing well. Brian is a young man with dreams -- things he would like to do before he loses his battle with the disease. Helping Heroes Productions has been contacting the media and community friends in the hopes that someone can help make his ultimate dream of playing guitar with Van Halen's Michael Anthony a reality.

On June 11, the St. John Lutheran Church of Covina will be hosting a fundraiser to help the Mammen family with expenses related to Brian's cancer and to make a few dreams come true for a terminally ill young man.

"Statistics are frankly not good for Brian, however, we will not speculate on the future nor exclude the divine power of God to heal him," said Pastor Patrick Curley. "We are however doing our part in helping to raise funds for Brian and his family and we are hoping the public will join us for this time to not celebrate the disease but celebrate Brian's contributions to society and our community," said Curley.

If you live in the Covina, California area, or knows someone who does, and would like to help the St. John Family Assistance Fund for Brian, you can call (626) 332-3142 for information about tickets and donations to the fundraiser. If you know Michael Anthony -- you know what to do -- pick up the phone and call the guy and let him know about Brian.