When you're knee deep in the mess of stress, anxiety, disappointment, panic, fear -- you name it -- isn't it nice to escape for a moment, to feel relief from the burden of heavy emotion? I think so. And I happen to know from personal experience a few techniques that have a calming effect on the most overworked of minds. I'll make it brief, because I know reading volumes of self-help advice is not what's on your worried mind.

• Listen to a favorite song, or any song. It will shift your focus and put your mind in the context of the song. You may even feel recharged and motivated.

• Write down your thoughts. Just write. Don't worry about grammar, spelling, or sentence formation. Just jot down what's on your mind. Transfer your emotion to paper -- or the computer screen -- and see how relieved you can feel.

A new study out of Britain shows that though many men with prostate cancer recognized they had symptoms of a serious disease, they were hesitant to go to the doctor because they felt it wasn't 'macho.' Another reason? Fear. It's a natural reaction--wanting to bury your head in the sand and ignore your gut when you're afraid something might be seriously wrong--yet it's dangerous and it's killing thousands of men every year. This fear may not be unfounded though -- the study also showed that men's GPs were often unsympathetic and gave off negative vibes when it came to their male patients.

The men in my life are all brave, but I can see them being the same way when it comes to their health -- avoiding the doctor and the bad news they may hear. How do we change this sort of thinking and save our men? What do you think of these findings?

The important thing is to take that first step. Bravely overcoming one small fear gives you the courage to take on the next. -- Daisaku Ikeda

When your diagnosed with cancer you sometimes feel that you don't know how to take that first step. What is the first step? For many it is very different. You might need time to accept what is happening, or you could be the kind of person to jump right into researching your disease, you'll probably need to find a surgeon and an oncologist and maybe even a plastic surgeon. Getting through the first steps can lead to making the rest of the journey easier.

One thing I have learned throughout my cancer experience is that I surprised myself at what I could actually handle. I took a scary step and got my port put in my chest so I could receive chemotherapy. I dreaded the fact that I had to get that port. I felt like such a freak. Even though the port was under my skin completely, it was protruding from my chest and I really felt like a cancer patient at that point.

One out of three Americans will get cancer before they die. Who is at the highest risk?

Dr. David Nanus, an oncologist who has been treating cancer patients for over twenty years, says that "If you're obese or overweight, you have an increased incidence in a number of cancers". Nanus also tells CBS news that someone with a family history, someone who smokes, has a high fat diet and does not exercise are in the highest risk category for developing cancer in their lifetime.

According to the American Cancer Institute about one third of cancer deaths in 2006 were related to nutrition, physical inactivity and being overweight or obese -- and could have been prevented.

Nanus also says that "The biggest problem is the fear factor. People are so afraid of being diagnosed with cancer they wait. Even waiting three months can mean a difference between life and death.

From houseplants to raised beds, to plant a seed, tend the soil, and watch a plant grow is one of the most inspiringly hopeful of activities. In hopefulness is found a kind of healing. According to the American Horticultural Therapy Association, horticulture therapy is defined as "a process utilizing plants and horticultural activities to improve social, educational, psychological and physical adjustment of persons thus improving their body, mind, and spirit." The American Cancer Society offers a list of some of horticulture therapy benefits one can expect from gardening that include:

• Feelings of hope.
• Stress reduction.
• Social interaction.
• Pain relief.
• Improved muscle tone, flexibility, and cardiopulmonary capability.
• Creativity and self-expression.
• Enhanced self-esteem and improved mood.
• Motor skill development.
  

As the New Year arrives, so do the gardening catalogs in the mail. Interested in receiving gardening catalogs but not certain where to start? Cyndi's Catalog of Garden Catalogs lists over 2,000 mail-order gardening catalogs for the home gardener.

Two of my favorite gardening websites and online catalogs are found at Seeds of Change and Seed Savers Exchange.

At Seeds of Change, you can find garden seeds, seed collections, cover crops, seedlings, fruit trees, garden tools, kitchen items, and a bookstore. All organic. In addition, Seeds of Change publishes a newsletter.

Seed Savers Exchange is a nonprofit organization that saves and shares heirloom seeds. According to Seed Savers Exchange, "Our organization is saving the world's diverse, but endangered, garden heritage for future generations by building a network of people committed to collecting, conserving and sharing heirloom seeds and plants, while educating people about the value of genetic and cultural diversity."

But, wherever you start, once you catch the gardening bug, you will understand why horticulture therapy is becoming an integrated part in healing programs adopted at some of the medical centers across the country.

For 20 years, commentator Debra Jarvis has been dealing with cancer as a hospital chaplain. Last year, she herself was diagnosed with breast cancer. And she quickly discovered whenever she brought up the topic of her diagnosis, all people wanted to talk about was her hair.

Cancer is not about the hair, she says, but it's the first thing people seem to talk about.

"There goes the hair," one friend said to Jarvis just after her diagnosis. She was trying to be light and funny. Jarvis didn't find any humor in the comment -- but she did start to think about the whole preoccupation with hair, and she was able to make some sense of it all.

Cancer is really about death. People die from cancer all the time. But it's impolite to ask, are you going to lose your life? So people ask about the hair.

When we go bald, we are marked. Our bald head shoves death in the face of those around us. People really hate to think about dying, Jarvis says. So they don't ask, what's your prognosis? That would be too nosy and could lead to uncomfortable discussions. It's safer to ask about the hair.

Jarvis concludes that people focus on the hair because it's so hard to talk about fear and pain and grief. But if we can stand to talk about these issues, she says, then when we talk about the hair, it will really be about the hair.

Holding Tight, Letting Go: Living with Metastatic Breast Cancer is a book written by Musa Mayer, a breast cancer survivor. Few books discuss the realities of metastatic breast cancer. Women with breast cancer live in fear of recurrence. For at least a third of those diagnosed, the disease will eventually spread. When this happens, most people assume it means an immediate death sentence.

The voices in this book speak of a different reality: that women with metastatic disease generally go on to live with their disease, often for many years, and that the time they have can be full and meaningful.

This is a great book for anyone dealing with metastatic breast cancer or even those who have been diagnosed and have a fear of recurrence. I read this book and it helps because my imagination can be far worse than the reality of the situation.

Here are a list of the chapter titles:

• Voices of a Forgotten Population
• Dread, Uncertainty and White-Water Rafting
• Seventeen Stories of Metastatic Breast Cancer
• The Shock of Recurrence
• The Problem of Knowledge: Doctors, Information-Seeking and Statistics
• Medical Treatments and Choices
• Hope and Healing for the Rest of You: Complementary Therapies
• Living with the Side Effects and Symptoms
• Families and Friends Speak: "Its happening to us, too."
• Light and Shadow: Stories of Remission, Work and Identity
• Final Gifts: Disease Progression, Hard Choices, Last Days
• Still Here: The Anatomy of Courage

In Letting it all out might increase chances of cancer survivorship, we shared that finding techniques to minimize stress is an effective way to better health. Our focus in that post was journaling and talk therapy as a means to expressing thoughts and feelings, rather than stuffing your emotions and keeping it all inside. According to the experts featured in that post, "It's about the link between the mind and the body and how your mind state can affect the disease state in the body."

In addition to journaling and talk therapy, cancer centers are offering cancer patients and caregivers self hypnosis techniques to help reduce stress as a part of an overall cancer treatment program. M.D. Anderson Cancer Center's social work supervisor Aida Molano, who has taught hypnosis and self-hypnosis classes at the center for the last 16 years, is offering a 30-minute self-hypnosis CD online as a free download.

According to Molano, hypnosis can help patients and caregivers offset sleeping difficulties, fear of medical procedures, problems concentrating, pain and fatigue using hypnosis techniques. If interested, by clicking on this link, you can download the free 30-minute self-hypnosis CD.

Before 2002, hormone replacement therapy (HRT) was believed to prevent many conditions, and doctors routinely prescribed hormone pills. But when a 2002 study found HRT raises the risk of breast cancer, heart disease, and other problems, the use of hormones plummeted.

On Thursday, researchers reported that the rate of breast cancer cases in the United States dropped more than seven percent in 2003 -- the year after the landmark study that caused a backlash against hormones. This backlash is considered the leading cause for the now-reported decline in breast cancer cases.

Now, even more women are expected to abandon the pills. And doctors worry that women with severe menopausal symptoms -- who need the treatment -- will deny themselves the benefits hormones can offer.

There are ways to take advantage of the benefits, however, and still minimize the risks. One gynecology group shares the following suggestions.

• Take the lowest dose for the shortest time -- two or three years if possible. Start out small and add more medication if symptoms do not decrease.

• Do not take hormones to try to prevent heart disease -- because they do not prevent it.
  

• Never take estrogen without progestin if you still have a uterus. This raises the risk of uterine cancer.

• Try periodically to cut your dose and wean yourself off.

For those who don't definitively need hormone therapy, it's important to discontinue use. But some women truly do need the treatment and should not abruptly stop their therapy in light of news that is not definitive in itself. As always, consultation with a physician is the best first step.

Previous posts on the topic of HRT and breast cancer are as follows.

• Different perspective on drop in breast cancer cases
• HRT use drops breast cancer rates drop
• Hooray for HRT!?
• HRT and smoking dramatically increases breast cancer risk
• HRT increases breast cancer risks

There is a downside to cancer. There's the distressing diagnosis, the shocking realization that something evil is invading cells and tissues and organs. There's surgery and treatment and loss of hair, loss of blood counts, loss of energy, loss of wellness, loss of future plans and intentions. There's the fear of recurrence and the fear of death and the fear of surviving. Cancer is dark and dismal and daunting. There is no room for argument. There is a downside to cancer.

But there is an upside to cancer too. Really, there is. And a growing body of research suggests cancer changes many people's lives -- like mine -- for the better.

"Cancer gives some survivors a renewed sense of confidence and greater appreciation for their own endurance," says one professor of medicine and public health. "The adversity of treatment may give people the sense that 'I've come through this and I'm stronger.' " Yes!

This same professor says cancer also leads survivors to question their priorities -- and to better manage them. Yes!

She also says survivors tend to find the coping strategies they develop during therapy can help them handle other life problems. Yes!

Many cancer survivors and their families turn to helping others dealing with the disease. It's part of the healing process to give back. And it feels good. Yes!

Cancer almost always is a blessing. This may not be apparent while in the trenches of a cancer fight. But when the smoke clears and the dust settles, blessings emerge. Really, they do.

I never got a chance to call for the results of my breast biopsy the day after it was performed -- because my phone rang hours before I was told to inquire about the pathology of my lump. That one phone call changed everything. Forever.

November 2004

The next day, November 24 and the day before Thanksgiving, my phone rang at 10:00 AM and the doctor who did the biopsy said the pathology report was back already. He said that unfortunately, cancer cells were found. He said I would need a lumpectomy (surgery to remove the lump), radiation, and possibly chemotherapy. He told me to buy a book called Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book. I got the book that day.

Somehow, I made it though the Thanksgiving weekend, with my thoughts jumping from the hope that this would turn out okay to the fear that I would not see my boys grow up. My mind wandered and worried about surgery and what treatments I would have. I wondered if I could have more kids and whether or not I would lose my hair. I cried and lost sleep and was hopeful too.

I learned a lot from reading my new book. I learned that many women do go on to have kids after cancer but I also learned that chemotherapy in young women can cause early menopause. I learned that I have an 85 percent survival rate and also that I will get tiny little tattoos surrounding my breast to aid in the proper delivery of radiation. These permanent tattoos will also alert any future doctors that my breast has had radiation because I can never have it again in that same area. The book helped me feel positive about this journey but it also helped me face reality.

I have since faced reality. And now I am surviving the reality of breast cancer. Following my diagnosis, I endured a lumpectomy, four rounds of dose-dense chemotherapy, more than six weeks of radiation, and one year of Herceptin treatment. Through it all, I learned that I am okay, that I will likely see my boys grow up, that my early menopause was only temporary, that I am physically able to have more children, that I did in fact lose my hair, that my 10 tiny tattoos are so small I can barely see them, that my survival rate is much higher than 85 percent.

I knew I had breast cancer the day I detected a lump in my breast. It just took eight days to confirm my suspicion. And now it's been two years. I have survived for two years.

Heavy head. Heavy body. Sore throat. Sore gums. Swollen lymph nodes. Fever blister. Hurts to chew. Hurts to swallow. Hurts to recall last time symptoms appeared. During chemotherapy.

Drugs attacking cells. Body weak. Blood counts plummeting. Body crashing. Headache. Fever. Sore throat. Sore gums. Trip to hospital. For five days. For antibiotics. For opinions. For constant monitoring. For daily shots to rebuild blood.

Phone call to dentist who knows my burden. Of worry. And fear. And anxiety. That never really goes away. Always reappears. A virus, he says. All of it. The throat. The gums. The lymph nodes. The fever blister. Nothing more. Should last five to seven days. Don't worry. Relax. Call if it gets worse.

Feeling better. Feeling emotional. Because people are so kind. Like my dentist. Who eased my mind. Soothed my soul.

Time to march forward. For myself. For today.

Some mechanism has been at work in my body for the past month, some sort of filter that has somehow warded off the crippling panic that typically overcomes me during health scares. It's the panic that allows me to turn a simple cough into a symptom of lung cancer, a stomach pain into a sign of ovarian cancer. It's the curse of surviving cancer, I guess -- the continual worry that the disease is coming back, that it is going to strike someone dear to me.

Yet cancer never entered my mind when my husband and I began noticing our three-year-old Danny's strange eye movements, the strikingly odd manner in which one eye rolls upward when he gazes toward the ceiling -- this is normal -- while the other only crosses -- this is not normal. Surprisingly, I was not overly worried about this and was sure it was something that with glasses or eye exercises could be fixed. Never did I fear cancer.

We started with our pediatrician who quickly knew this issue was out of his league. I was calm. He moved us on to a pediatric eye specialist who was stumped by these eye movements that are typically congenital and occur much earlier in life. If not congenital, it must be something acquired, this doctor told us. He looked around a bit at Danny's eyes, dilated his pupils, and tested his vision. He determined his eyesight is perfect. And his gaze is a complete mystery. He ordered an MRI.

Still I was okay -- until my husband shared one evening with me that he was worried about a tumor. Why I hadn't yet obsessed about this is its own mystery, for which I am thankful. It allowed me to function for a short time independent of fear and anxiety and only a short time ago did I let panic seep into my consciousness.

When I scheduled the MRI for Danny and was told it was an urgent case that must be scheduled quickly, my stomach sank. When the doctor who would read the MRI met with us this morning to talk about this diagnostic procedure, he shared that a mass is what they would be looking for. I'm not sure how for all these weeks I missed this opportunity to get all worked up. But I did. And I got to act like a normal worried mother, not an over-the-top this must be cancer obsessed mother. It felt good.

And it felt good when the doctor read the MRI right in front of us this morning, sharing that there is no mass. He was not able to share what is causing this mystery eye condition that still must be investigated, but he assured us it's nothing serious, nothing life-threatening, nothing like cancer.

Perhaps the fact that my handful of recent health scares have not resulted in malignancies is allowing me to cool my guns a bit, to relax, to realize that not everything comes with a worst-case-scenario result. So maybe -- just maybe -- I am approaching some normalcy in my life, two years after my own worst-case-scenario sent me on the most terrifying ride of my life.

I have a new friend who is a new breast cancer survivor. She is surviving a new diagnosis, a recent lumpectomy, and the moments leading up to another surgery to further investigate the margins surrounding the tumor removed from her breast. She is surviving the first phase of her breast cancer journey. A phase full of uncertainty and fear and panic. A phase so new and so fresh and so raw, her mind is whirling. A phase that has her grasping for any bit of direction she can find as she navigates a terrifying, unfamiliar road.

My friend is a young wife and mother whose worries are consuming her. She e-mailed me today and asked if I ever have moments when I look at my young children and worry that cancer will take me from them while they are young. She asked if I have always been so sure I will be okay. And so I replied with this candid cancer confession.

It's day 15 in this Breast Cancer Awareness Month and the survivors spotlighted on this site are stacking up. Yet we've only just scratched the surface of breast cancer survivor stories. And by the end of October, we will have only featured a very small sample of survivors everywhere. There are countless others with their own powerful stories. It's sad there are so many stories shaped by breast cancer. It's empowering too -- because breast cancer survivors are a passionate bunch. They are passionate in their fights, passionate in their beliefs, passionate in their willingness to help others.

A passionate bunch of survivors can be found here on The Cancer Blog. They are all women, of various ages, with various backgrounds, defined by different experiences. They are also quite the same -- for they have all been touched by breast cancer. And their words of wisdom are strikingly similar, despite the contrast in characteristics that define these women and their very individual battles with breast cancer.

Here are seven survivor similarities worth spotlighting.