This e-mail just arrived in my inbox. It's one of those chain things -- you know, the read this and forward it to 11 people or all your plumbing will blow up messages. And while I don't tend to pass on to friends and family these types of scare tactics, I realize that the words that follow are definitely worth a read.

So I've extracted all warning and threats from the message I received, and I've pared it down to a very funny piece of prose I believe will strike a chord with women everywhere who know how very important -- and how very painful and humiliating -- the dreaded mammogram can be.

And so here it is, in all it's glory. Read it, absorb it, love it, and pass it on. Or don't pass it on. I'll be OK with your decision either way. Promise.

Go Get Your Mammies Grammed

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram
"OK," I said, "let's do it."
"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."
She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooters in a vise!
My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's viselike grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!
"Take a deep breath," she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.
"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.
It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.
If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"
This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And, see how THEY come out!

Author Unknown

The girls I know at the Young Survival Coalition website have discussions on many topics about the impact of cancer on our lives. Sometimes though someone comes up with an idea to lighten things up. Here are the most popular things we don't want to hear from our doctors...

1. When complaining to my plastic surgeon about the funky shape of my tissue expander, he said "Well, its sort of like a beach toy that is not fully inflated yet".
2. When asked to take part in a clinical trial suitable for stage II cancer I asked my oncologist "So that means I'm stage II then?". He said "Yeah at least!"
3. After taking samples of my tumor, my physician asked "Do you want to see them, they look like little tiny pieces of angel hair pasta?"
4. After discussing plastic surgery for breast cancer my plastic surgeon said "You know they are never going to look real".
5. When discussing with my oncologist about getting my port removed he said " Well, I guess we can put it back in if we need it".
6. Talking to my oncologist he says, "Well everything is fine, for now"
7. My primary oncologist asked me "So, who is your primary oncologist?"
8. My plastic surgeon remarks "I hate making nipples".
9. Arriving to get a mammogram a few years after a breast cancer diagnoses. "Why are you here?".

Excuse Me!? Stupid things people say was a post on the cancer blog back in July. I wanted to keep this topic going. If anyone wants to comment about their experiences with hearing crazy, rude or funny comments after being diagnosed with cancer we would love to hear them.

The Young Survival Coalition has a message board on line that we use to discuss treatment, get understanding, talk about the challenges we face, vent and also laugh and make new friends. One of the girls on YSC started a discussion about stupid comments. Its all in fun remember. We know everyone means well!

Here are some things that the girls on YSC came up with and their responses...

In a 45-day bike tour, and over halfway through, six international college students have been cycling across America to raise money for cancer research and blogging the daily journey at Cross Country for Cancer. There are three reasons I have been following the blog posts: one, these young men are spectacular for the undertaking of raising money for cancer research by pedaling coast-to-coast; two, some of the posts and photos with captions are Monty Python-esque hilarious (which I compared them to in the first post I blogged about them); and three, it has been interesting to see this country at pavement level through the eyes of a group not normally residents.

They have blogged gorgeous scenery seen and generous people met. They have also discovered where the Grinch works his summer job. In case you don't know, because I didn't, the Grinch is running the tram somewhere near Cotopaxi, Colorado.

Dooce. It's a blog. It's a woman who blogs. Being dooced is a word that means losing your job because of something you blogged. Back when blogs first started to become a popular activity, Heather B. Armstrong got fired for writing about work and the people she worked with, and it made national mainstream news. Dooce became a cautionary tale of weighing how much a blogger should reveal and what protection they should have in what they shared online. Eventually, everyone you blog about is going to find your blog. No one really thought that before Armstrong got fired for her satirical take on where she worked.

To this day, and by her own account, she receives hundreds of hate emails and blog comments. But she also has hundreds of thousands of devoted blog fans, readers who stop by at least once a day to get Dooce's take on her every day life -- which is usually quirky, insightful, irreverant and always humorous. From motherhood to Mormons, no one is safe and no topic off-limits as far as I can tell.

The latest blogging at Dooce has to do with cancer. It all started with a scar that kept growing and self-employment health insurance that had Heather asking how much a biopsy would cost before consenting to one because if it cost as much as a casket she needed to weigh her options. Luckily, whatever answer the doctor gave her, she consented to having the growth checked. The results of the biopsy are in. Heather has been diagnosed with basal cell carcinoma, as she blogs, the most common of all cancers.

"It is not a melanoma, and most likely will not kill me, but the fact that I have one at my age is cause for concern. It is the result of many years of negligence on my part, of all those times I never fully protected my skin from the sun. I'd say it wasn't ever willful negligence, necessarily, maybe just a huge portion of carelessness mixed with laziness and the idiotic assumption that it would never happen to me.

Now I'm afraid to go near a window else a ray of sun touch my skin and kill me instantly. Irrational, yes, but look what being rational got me in the first place: CANCER. Next week she is going to cut the whole thing out of my arm, and then I am going to bring it home and plant it in a jar next to the kitchen window. I will name it Ed."

After Dooce gets done blogging cancer, cancer will never be the same.

Over a month ago we introduced you to Miriam Engelberg, breast cancer survivor and author of Cancer Made Me a Shallower Person: A Memoir in Comics. Years before she was diagnosed with cancer, she had planned on creating comics featuring life as a mother.

Instead, she used cartooning as a way to cope with the shock of diagnosis, surgery, chemotherapy, support groups, and a second cancer diagnosis. Today I discovered her blogging at Live Journal about her current cancer treatments, adventures in the world of being a published author and every day life as Miriam Engelberg.

In addition, at her Miriam Engelberg website, she features a weekly cartoon. Engelberg is simply delightful and deliciously funny. You'll enjoy the blog and the featured weekly cartoon.  

Miriam Engelberg, was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 43 and decided to chronicle her breast cancer journey in a series of comic strips that have now been collected in the book, Cancer Made Me a Shallower Person: A Memoir in Comics. Engelberg, mother of a then four-year-old, used cartooning as a way to cope with the shock of diagnosis, surgery, chemotherapy, support groups, and a second cancer diagnosis. The reviewers like her and the way she handles the subject matter of being a cancer survivor, and the readers all seem to love what she has done in cartooning the perils and reality of being a cancer patient and cancer survivor. Some of the reviewers describe her book as "a fusion of the deadly serious with the absurd, in the finest tradition of black humor." Some of the readers describe her book as a fresh look at how someone's life changes with a cancer diagnosis -- an inside humor for survivors -- funny, heartbreaking and totally relatable and a refreshing take on living with cancer. If you find value in humor as a healing tool, or simply enjoy humor, visit Amazon's page for more information about her new book. They are selling it with Mom's Cancer, another cartoonist's take on the experience of cancer.

The Secret Language of Girlfriends: Talking Loudly, Laughing Wildly, and Making the Most of Our Most Important Friendships, written by the queen of comfort Karen Neuburger, is a book sharing the funny, enlightening, uplifting and sometimes sad stories of women and how no matter what happens in the life of a woman -- she can always count on her girlfriends to be there. Neuburger chronicles the stages of a woman's life -- from child rearing and workplace bonding to menopause and beyond. The book contains party ideas, recipes, crafts and craft disasters, and the ceremonies women use to cement and celebrate their friendships. The last chapter is devoted to daughters and how mothers pass the secret language of girlfriends to the next generation --  a group of girlfriends who totally have your back but always put you out in front.

A portion of book profits go to The Breast Cancer Research Foundation, in honor of girlfriends everywhere. While it is a last-minute gift idea for Mother's Day, it is an excellent gift idea for mom any day of the week. Right after you give your mother a copy of this book, tell her about The Secret Language of Girlfriends website, where she can find the Broad Squad, book clubs, newsletter, and other fun.