My friend -- who has a friend newly diagnosed with brain cancer -- greeted me at the door the other day and asked with a sense of urgency, "How can I help?"

"Help your friend?" I asked.

"Yes, she said, unsure of what she might say or do in this time of great difficulty for everyone involved.

I told her a few things. And then I thought of some more. It wasn't terribly easy to come up with these ideas. Because even though I myself was on the receiving end of help during my cancer journey, it's still hard to imagine what an individual wants or needs -- or doesn't want or need. But here's what I've got to offer.

I hope this helps my friend.

I hope it helps you too.

• Allow your loved one to take the lead. If you sense this person wants to talk, then talk. If you sense talk is not welcomed, then don't talk. To determine whether or not your friend or family member wants to discuss cancer, approach the topic and judge the response you get. I know I can usually tell if someone is willing to open up -- typically the conversation just flows -- and when someone is putting the brakes on chit-chat -- typically the conversation falls flat.

• If talk is not in the cards, then consider an offer of food. Sometimes actions speak much louder than words. So think about calling a restaurant in your friend's town and ordering a meal to be delivered right to the door. Most eating establishments accept credit card numbers over the phone so location should be a non-issue. Even those deep in despair need to eat, and taking away the chore of cooking and cleaning up can be quite a gift.

• If the gift of food is not up your alley, how about sending a small gift, like a candle, a pair of cozy socks, a grocery store gift card, a music CD, a gift certificate for a spa. You name it, your special something might brighten the day.

• If you live near your loved one and have some free time, offer to drive to appointments, visit during treatments, pick up kids and entertain them for the day, clean house, cook, and clean up dinner. Try to be very specific with your offers. Say, "I'd like to pick up your kids tomorrow at lunch so you can take a nap" or "I'm coming over on Sunday to rake leaves." These offers are easier to accept than the "call me if you need anything" kind.
  

• If a quick stop at your loved one's house is possible, drop off a book on the front porch or set some pretty potted flowers by the door. Or do both. Then walk away without saying a word. Let your help take your friend by surprise.

• When you do have the chance to talk, avoid guiding the conversation with your own thoughts and advice, unless requested. Saying, "Everything will be OK," for example, may not be true. Assuring your friend she will sail right through chemotherapy may backfire if nausea and fatigue are just down the road. Stating, "it's OK, your hair will grow back," doesn't really help those living with the horror of hair loss. So stay away from promises and predictions and stick to the present. Ask questions, listen, and paraphrase back what your friend has shared. These are basic counseling techniques. The premise is that allowing the person to work through the issues is more important than what we can do to directly help.
  

• Don't forget about the good old greeting card or short note that lets your loved know how much you care. Let the card say it if you wish to avoid writing and then add an address, a stamp, and send your support on its way.
  

• This makes eight -- so much for sticking to my Sunday plan -- but I must share this too: Don't forget about your loved one after months and even years pass by. Initial diagnoses are tough and treatments are tough too. But as your friend survives each day, remember to check in. Cancer is a life-long battle for many. Support and assistance may be just as valuable a year down the road as it is on day one.

These unique cards were developed by Denae Boromei Ottmann. Sadly, Denae passed away on December 13, 2006, at thirty six years old. She leaves behind her husband and four month old daughter. Denae took an active role in multiple organizations such as the Young Survival Coalition, The Cancer Institute, and was a guest speaker at multiple breast awareness campaigns.

Denae was the fourth generation in her family to receive a breast cancer diagnosis. She was diagnosed at the age of thirty two. She says she developed the chemo cards with one specific goal in mind: to make your friend or loved one smile during the difficult journey of chemotherapy

A series of six greeting cards are designed to provide support and encouragement. Several cards also include a fill-in space where you can count the number of remaining treatments.

The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation wants help fighting breast cancer. So forget about fighting crowds this holiday season -- help fight cancer instead.

The Komen Marketplace is offering two specially designed holiday greeting cards this year, available for purchase on-line through December 8.

Prices for cards, that can be personalized with an individual name, a company name, and a special message, range depending on the card. One option costs $1.30 to $1.40 per card, plus nominal printing fees. Another option costs $5.00 per card, with no printing fees. For this option, The Komen Foundation will also print envelopes with mailing and return addresses. They will even stamp envelopes and drop the cards in the mail too.

Fifty to 100 percent of sales will benefit the fight against breast cancer. And 100 percent of the cards will spread hope and promise through messages like this -- The best gifts are wrapped in the joy we give to others. Happy Holidays. This card has been given to you as a special tribute in support of the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.

Each year, Hallmark offers a specially-designed, one-of-a-kind greeting card in honor of breast cancer awareness month to remind women of the importance of early detection. Consumers can join the cause -- Cards for the Cure -- by picking up these cards at Hallmark Gold Crown retail shops and by sending them to women in their lives. Cards are available while supplies last through October 31. And they are free.

Hallmark has supported the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation for eight years now -- and in addition to the Cards for the Cure initiative, Hallmark offers several items for sale and will donate 10 percent of profits to the Komen Foundation. The breast cancer awareness gift collection includes an exclusive CD by Grammy award winner and breast cancer survivor Olivia Newton-John, a keepsake angel ornament, note cards, a pink suede journal, and pink champagne glasses.

Breast cancer awareness is a personal initiative for those at Hallmark. It has touched family and friends and employees and customers. And so they are commitment to the cause. And they have already made a difference with the $2.3 million they have donated over the years to the Komen Foundation.

The Paint Box Project, artWORKS for Cancer Cures features a selection of holiday cards and gifts for spring created by Roswell Park's pediatric patient-artists to benefit cancer research and patient care. They offer Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day and other occasion cards, as well as chocolates from Choco-Logo. To celebrate spring, you can say Thank You, Thinking of You, Congratulations and Happy Birthday with delightfully original artwork from the creativity of kids of the The Paint Box Project.

You can purchase chocolates like the Bunny’s Nest, the Chocolate Tower, Buffalo Bark chocolate covered pretzels or the Salty Bar. Gifts offered for sale include the Light of Hope soy wax candles, bright and cheerful wrapping paper, colorful spiral journals and an exclusive line of Buffalo-themed cards created by local artist Leslie Zemsky. While you are shopping, be sure to read the patient artists profiles of the children behind this spring's collection of cards. Oh! I love artwork by kids. Hurry, it's almost time for Mother's Day.