My friend -- who has a friend newly diagnosed with brain cancer -- greeted me at the door the other day and asked with a sense of urgency, "How can I help?"

"Help your friend?" I asked.

"Yes, she said, unsure of what she might say or do in this time of great difficulty for everyone involved.

I told her a few things. And then I thought of some more. It wasn't terribly easy to come up with these ideas. Because even though I myself was on the receiving end of help during my cancer journey, it's still hard to imagine what an individual wants or needs -- or doesn't want or need. But here's what I've got to offer.

I hope this helps my friend.

I hope it helps you too.

• Allow your loved one to take the lead. If you sense this person wants to talk, then talk. If you sense talk is not welcomed, then don't talk. To determine whether or not your friend or family member wants to discuss cancer, approach the topic and judge the response you get. I know I can usually tell if someone is willing to open up -- typically the conversation just flows -- and when someone is putting the brakes on chit-chat -- typically the conversation falls flat.

• If talk is not in the cards, then consider an offer of food. Sometimes actions speak much louder than words. So think about calling a restaurant in your friend's town and ordering a meal to be delivered right to the door. Most eating establishments accept credit card numbers over the phone so location should be a non-issue. Even those deep in despair need to eat, and taking away the chore of cooking and cleaning up can be quite a gift.

• If the gift of food is not up your alley, how about sending a small gift, like a candle, a pair of cozy socks, a grocery store gift card, a music CD, a gift certificate for a spa. You name it, your special something might brighten the day.

• If you live near your loved one and have some free time, offer to drive to appointments, visit during treatments, pick up kids and entertain them for the day, clean house, cook, and clean up dinner. Try to be very specific with your offers. Say, "I'd like to pick up your kids tomorrow at lunch so you can take a nap" or "I'm coming over on Sunday to rake leaves." These offers are easier to accept than the "call me if you need anything" kind.
  

• If a quick stop at your loved one's house is possible, drop off a book on the front porch or set some pretty potted flowers by the door. Or do both. Then walk away without saying a word. Let your help take your friend by surprise.

• When you do have the chance to talk, avoid guiding the conversation with your own thoughts and advice, unless requested. Saying, "Everything will be OK," for example, may not be true. Assuring your friend she will sail right through chemotherapy may backfire if nausea and fatigue are just down the road. Stating, "it's OK, your hair will grow back," doesn't really help those living with the horror of hair loss. So stay away from promises and predictions and stick to the present. Ask questions, listen, and paraphrase back what your friend has shared. These are basic counseling techniques. The premise is that allowing the person to work through the issues is more important than what we can do to directly help.
  

• Don't forget about the good old greeting card or short note that lets your loved know how much you care. Let the card say it if you wish to avoid writing and then add an address, a stamp, and send your support on its way.
  

• This makes eight -- so much for sticking to my Sunday plan -- but I must share this too: Don't forget about your loved one after months and even years pass by. Initial diagnoses are tough and treatments are tough too. But as your friend survives each day, remember to check in. Cancer is a life-long battle for many. Support and assistance may be just as valuable a year down the road as it is on day one.

Bruins rookie Phil Kessel is surviving testicular cancer. And the 19-year-old former University of Minnesota player, drafted in the first round this year, is talking about his shocking diagnosis and the surgery from which he is currently recovering.

Kessel, who is expected to rest for two weeks before returning to the ice, found a lump in his testicle and went immediately to his team internist, Dr. David Judge. Judge examined him, referred him for an ultrasound, and learned with Kessel that the lump was in fact cancer -- embryonal testicular cancer.

Both Judge and Kessel are happy to report that the cancer was localized to the right testicle -- which was removed during surgery -- and had not spread. Kessel, therefore, has a very low liklihood of recurrence.

Kessel, who has five goals and four assists in 27 games this season, says about his diagnosis, "I couldn't believe it. It was tough. I had a hard time with it."

Kessel thinks cancer will help him gain perspective on life. And he plans to speak out about his experience so others may benefit.

"If you're not feeling well go get checked out and make sure you're all right," he says. Getting checked out is what saved him -- and he hopes others will follow suit.

Kessel is the second Boston athlete to be diagnosed with cancer this year. Red Sox left-hander Jon Lester was diagnosed with lymphoma in August. With chemotherapy behind him, he is currently cancer-free. And so is Kessel.

At the end of May, we told you about Abraham Starchild Cherrix, a teenager diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma, who went through three months of chemotherapy only to have the cancer return months later. When his doctors recommended more chemotherapy and radiation, Cherrix, with the support of his parents, refused. Cherrix was concerned about the toxic effects of chemotherapy and radiation. He had chosen alternative therapies involving a bible-based diet and Hoxsey formula involving herbs and nutrition.

When Cherrix, who is now 16, said thanks but no thanks to the team of doctors recommending chemotherapy and radiation, a state social worker stepped in, filed with the court to gain joint custody of Cherrix and asked the court to require the teen to undergo standard cancer treatments of chemotherapy and radiation. Last Friday, the judge ruled in favor of the state and against the wishes of Cherrix. The court ordered Cherrix to report to the hospital for treatment.

To this Cherrix said he would defy the court order. He was not going to the hospital and he was not going to submit himself to conventional cancer treatments. Today, a second judge set aside the court order and returned legal custody of Cherrix to his parents. Cherrix is not, at this time, required to report the hospital. A trial date has been set for August 16 that seeks to require Cherrix to undergo chemotherapy and radiation.

Do you think the state has gone to far into the private life of a family, or do you think the parents are being negligent? Does a teenage boy of 16 have a right to decide his medical care?

Should teenagers and their parents or legal guardians be able to decide on what treatments they would rather use to fight cancer? A judge in Richmond, VA is expected to issue a written decision by July 18 on a case involving a teenager who decided to use alternative treatments. A social worker asked a judge to require the teen to continue conventional treatment.

The teenager has Hodgkin's disease, a cancer of the lymph nodes. Last year he underwent traditional treatments with chemotherapy which really weakened his body. But now the cancer has returned and the teenager decided to go with a a sugar-free organic diet and herbs as therapy and made visits to a clinic in Mexico.

So when should the judicial system and case workers be in control of deciding what is right for our own bodies? Should teenagers be an exception on decision making because of their age and should the American family lose their choices because of the age of their child?