This e-mail just arrived in my inbox. It's one of those chain things -- you know, the read this and forward it to 11 people or all your plumbing will blow up messages. And while I don't tend to pass on to friends and family these types of scare tactics, I realize that the words that follow are definitely worth a read.

So I've extracted all warning and threats from the message I received, and I've pared it down to a very funny piece of prose I believe will strike a chord with women everywhere who know how very important -- and how very painful and humiliating -- the dreaded mammogram can be.

And so here it is, in all it's glory. Read it, absorb it, love it, and pass it on. Or don't pass it on. I'll be OK with your decision either way. Promise.

Go Get Your Mammies Grammed

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram
"OK," I said, "let's do it."
"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."
She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooters in a vise!
My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's viselike grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!
"Take a deep breath," she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.
"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.
It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.
If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"
This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And, see how THEY come out!

Author Unknown

Valerie Monroe, beauty director for The Oprah Magazine, writes a monthly column -- Ask Val -- that appears on the pages of Oprah's feel-good publication. She responds to questions about make-up, skin care, hair care, and overall body care too.

In her February 2007 column, Val writes, "Many of you have written to tell me that you began to be less critical of your body when you appreciated the things it could do." As I read this, I had what Oprah would call an Aha! moment, a moment when something just clicks and makes sudden sense. Aha!, I thought, as I considered all the things my body can do, completely independent of how I look on the outside. So while I was jogging today -- my body can now easily run three miles -- I ran through all of my body's accomplishments, and I stored them in the files of my mind so I could later write them down.

Here are seven things my body can do. As you read them, consider your own body -- its strength, its power, its capacity for greatness -- and remind yourself of your wondrous self the next time you start to criticize the way you look.

• My body can partner in the creation of human life. It can carry babies and deliver them and love them and care for them and raise them. Not all bodies have this power. I am lucky.

• My body can climb an attic staircase, crawl into cramped and dark corners, pull large boxes out of wedged spaces, drag them back to the staircase, and walk backwards down the stairs with goods balancing on my head so that I can fulfill the wish my five-year-old child who wanted so badly in early November to assemble our Christmas tree and decorate our house for the holidays. "Let's wait until Daddy gets home," I told Joey when I found myself crammed into a tiny space in the attic, wrestling with a heavy box full of artificial tree parts. "You can do it, Mommy," Joey said. "You are strong." And so I fought my way through the frustrating feat because I was afraid of the lessons I would teach this little boy if I didn't. In the end, it was Joey who taught me the lesson. I can do it. I am strong.
  

• My body can endure and conquer a 5K run when it once could barely run around the block. With a little extra effort and push, I think my body can accomplish even more.

• My body, once weak and without definition, can lift increasingly heavy weight and can generate muscle tone. It can even do push-ups -- real push-ups. It takes dedication and practice and persistence and mental toughness too. But I see progress. I feel progress. And I want more.

• My body can help others. I can use my fingers to type words on a keyboard that will reach friends and family and people I don't even know. My words can inform and support and encourage and heal. I can use my hands and my semi-creative talents to create hand-made gifts, to cook and deliver very mediocre meals for friends in need, to massage my husband's sore back, to braid my niece's beautiful hair and paint her tiny nails. I can use my arms to hug my little boys with all my might. I can use my voice to communicate, my ears to listen, my senses to feel.
  

• My body can tolerate surgery and chemotherapy and radiation and horrible allergic reactions to antibiotics. My body was badly beaten by a treatment protocol intended to cure me of a disastrous disease. And somehow, in some way, it survived.
  

• My body killed cancer. With the aid of medical intervention and a hopeful attitude, my body overcame the worst and best thing that has ever happened to me. And if it could do nothing else, I would be truly happy for this one thing my body can do.
  

Women whose wedding dresses are created by bridal gown designer Aimee Lauren get a little something extra when they purchase their dream dresses. They get something of a twist -- a pink twist, in the form of a ribbon.

Each of Lauren's brides gets a pink breast cancer ribbon sewn on the inside lining over the left breast of their custom gowns -- a reminder for them to check their breasts for life. It's Lauren's way of saying, don't forget, please don't forget.

Most of Lauren's clients are young -- in their 20s and 30s -- and are not thinking of breast cancer. But they should be. Because breast cancer happens to young women -- like Lauren, who was diagnosed with the disease at a young age and in the midst of climbing the New York fashion ladder. She found a lump in her left breast during a monthly self exam. And now she is forever diligent about breast cancer awareness and early detection.

At fittings, Lauren never misses the opportunity to educate her brides about taking charge of their own health.

"I don't ever want to hear somebody say ever again that it doesn't happen to young people," she says. " It can happen to anyone."

Glamour editor and leukemia cancer survivor Erin Zammett Ruddy blogs Life with Cancer and is the author of My (So-Called) Normal Life. Five years ago, at the age of 23, Erin was diagnosed with chronic myelogenous leukemia (CML). Immediately after her cancer diagnosis, Erin began chronicling her life with cancer in a monthly Life with Cancer column for Glamour magazine. Recently, she has launched a blog after the same name as her column.

"I am excited to be starting my blog for Glamour. I am going to be talking about whatever it is I am feeling about that particular day.

I hope to hear from readers that instead of being a patient or a victim -- it's something like I have this disease, what can I do with it -- how can I help other people.

Do I wish I didn't have cancer? Yes, but I wouldn't trade my life right now for anything and that life includes cancer."

While Erin is new to blogging, she is not new to writing, and she is an excellent writer. Frank, serious, open, vulnerable, and bouyant with a delightful sense of humor, her writing makes for a blog that is difficult to leave until you have read every post. Erin takes Gleevac, and in order to have a baby she will need to stop taking the drug that keeps her in cancer remission. She is very honest in sharing the anxiety and anticipation of making this choice.

From the blog, you can access the monthly column Erin writes for Glamour magazine. One of the most recent features an interview with MTV's Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat Diem Brown, a 25-year-old woman currently battling ovarian cancer. After hearing about Diem, and watching her on the reality show, Erin was intrigued to meet her. As a result of the time the two spent together, and sharing stories with Diem, Erin was inspired to stay positive in the midst of uncertainty.

Erin Zammett Ruddy is a phenomenal woman with a terrific attitude, and a blog we are glad she keeps.

Kim Taylor is a 45-year-old single mother who lives in Suwannee County, Florida and is proud to have successfully raised one daughter -- a graduate of the University of Florida. Kim enjoys outdoor activities like camping as well as sewing, crafting, and carpentry projects. She is most at peace spending time with her family, working as a youth volunteer -- and raising awareness for breast cancer. It's a interest she acquired just two years ago, compliments of a personal encounter with the disease that has taught her to let the little things go, to appreciate every sunrise, to make every moment matter.

As women facing the challenges of a breast cancer diagnosis and the triumphs of living beyond breast cancer, we share our stories and ourselves in the hope that it will help other women facing the same challenges in the fight to survive breast cancer and the special issues of breast cancer survivorship.

Beginning today, and lasting through October, AOL People Connection's Think Pink! will be featuring breast cancer prevention, diagnosis, treatment and survivorship resources within a dynamic interactive online community for women to learn about breast cancer, share their breast cancer story and make connections with other breast cancer survivors.

When you visit Think Pink! you will discover a blog featuring personal stories of breast cancer survivors told in their own words; a gallery of inspirational photos submitted by women going through breast cancer treatment and women who are living beyond breast cancer; articles and educational information about breast cancer; special profiles of breast cancer survivors; shop for a cause pink products; how to join a letter writing campaign to increase federal funding for breast cancer research and enhance the involvement and influence of trained breast cancer consumer advocates in all aspects of breast cancer policy and research; sign up for a breast check monthly reminder; learn about ongoing breast cancer events; and more.

While there, you are invited to share your story, submit a photo, start your own blog or create an AIM page.

Marjory, who is currently undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer and her husband Gordon, a family physician, both blog Beating Breast Cancer. Marjory shares her perspective as a breast cancer patient and Gordon shares his knowledge as a doctor. I check in on Marjory and Gordon regularly, as Beating Breast Cancer is one of my favorite blogs in the cancer community.

In a recent post, Gordon admits to checking the blog's traffic report to see who is visiting and what they are searching for when they arrive at the Beating Breast Cancer blog. He noticed that a search for information on painful lumps in the breast is a topic frequently searched for -- and so he put together easy to understand information for readers interested in learning more about breast pain and painful breast lumps. Gordon is reassuring in letting women know most breast lumps do not turn out to be breast cancer (although he insists that a woman see her physician immediately should she find a lump in her breast) and he explains the causes of painful breast lumps. To learn more, visit Gordon's A Painful Breast Lump - Could It Be Breast Cancer?

New birth control pills and contraceptives are already on the market -- or about to be released -- that allow women the option of ending monthly menstruation for good. This option is becoming increasingly popular with women at both the beginning stage and ending stage of their reproductive life.

For women who suffer greatly each month with the physical pain and emotional upsets that can occur during periods, this might be a good option. For other women, it might be a matter of convenience and a way of improving sex life. If you are not actively attempting to get pregnant, this seems like a reasonable option in eliminating periods that do not seem to serve a practical purpose. As I understand it, the pills are far safer than the contraceptive pills of the past, with much lower doses of estrogen and progestin. However, it is still a birth control type pill, and the warnings remain the same. If you are over 35 and smoke, you are advised not to use it. If you are a cancer survivor diagnosed with cancers fueled by hormones, you are advised not to use this method of controlling monthly menstrual cycles. This pill still increases the risk of heart attack, stroke and blood clots.

On the other side of the coin -- according to research -- these birth control type pills might lower risk of endometrial and ovarian cancer. But, hormones operate in the body on so many complex levels, and regulate so many other systems within the body, I do not know that scientists understand the complexities enough to tell women that halting a hormone process for an indefinite amount of time by manipulating estrogen and progestin is safe for long-term health. Especially when it comes to cancers that are hormone-driven.

Has anyone else questioned the intent of businesses hitching their product wagon to the pink campaign for breast cancer? I am not picking on this business in particular, it's just the business news press release of the day announcing another company going pink for breast cancer charity. According to vendPINK, a division of the dittie company -- in announcing the launch of its new cause-related pink vending program -- states that the vendPINK program will be supporting women in and out of the bathroom. The company goes on to state that "VendPINK vends the fun, feminine and fabulous dittie tampons that inspires and supports women during that time of the month. While out of the bathroom, vendPINK is inspiring those women fighting breast cancer." Okay. They said it -- not me.

"Our vendPINK programs reflects dittie's commitment to creating a network of women dedicated to supporting one another," said Barbara Carey, dittie and vendPINK president and founder. "Everyone has been affected by breast cancer in one way or another. We are passionate about creating this support system and do not want anyone to ever feel they have to face breast cancer alone." 20 percent of the profits from the sale of this product are going to breast cancer charity. I like all companies who donate a portion of their profits to cancer charity. But there is a small part of me that is becoming cynically exhausted by the pink. Maybe it's just me. How do you feel about the pink?