I keep thinking about my ongoing negative relationship with the sun, how it burns me time and time again, how I keep trying to fine-tune my approach to dealing with this deadly force. Today, I have arrived at two new thoughts.

1. There was a time when I wanted a tan. I'd accept a burn even, in hopes it would turn to the slightest shade of brown on my pasty white skin. I would search high and low for the sun. I would drive in its direction, bask in its glory, give hours of my day to this crazy pursuit. Somehow, though, achieving a tan -- or burn -- wasn't easy. Sometimes, I'd see some color appear; sometimes my efforts seemed for nothing. It took work, effort, endless amounts of time and while my ventures in sunbathing did sometimes prove successful, there were many times I was left with, well, pasty white skin.

Fast forward to now. Not only do I seek shelter from the sun, but I use sunscreen, sit under umbrellas, and cover up whenever I can. Still, I get burned. It seems if I look in the direction of the sun, with my sunscreen-coated face, it will get burned. Long ago, my bare face only occasionally absorbed the sun. Why the change? Why when I worked not at all at protecting myself was it so hard to attract a golden glow? Why now do I protect myself in all ways possible and still sizzle? I'm wondering if it has anything to do with the chemotherapy drugs that poisoned my body for so long. A dermatologist once told me about a phenomenon called UV recall. The sun and the drugs can react, long after treatment has concluded, and can cause skin reactions. Maybe this is what's happening to me. Just in case, this gives me all the more reason to avoid all contact with the sun.

It feels like summer here in Florida. Our temps topped 86 degrees last week and this kind of heat prompts my little boys to request their favorite summertime activity: swimming.

My kids don't quite understand that the temperature outside is not the same as the temperature of unheated water. And so as soon as warm weather arrives, they dash for their suits and insist we make a trip to the neighborhood pool. I oblige, convinced they'll want to head home once they submerge their piggy toes in pure ice.

But somehow, the temperature doesn't register. They plunge right in, dunk their heads and kick and flop and float. They are happy as clams, quivering lips and all. I am happy too as I watch their joyous moments from the privacy of my lounge chair, tucked away in the shade that borders my kids' perfect playland.

Thanks to chemo, I am the mommy who hides in the shadows during any sunny event. It's been two whole years since my last dose of toxic drugs, but something about the sun and the heat and the residual effects of my infused poison causes my skin to produce red, itchy, unsightly bumps. It happened last year and already this year and I'm wondering now if this will be a life-long nuisance, if I will be seeking shade for the rest of my years.

It's all OK really. Secluding myself from the sun's rays is a pretty healthy venture. And I'm not a real pool enthusiast. Any my boys are old enough to swim independently. And it's peaceful in the shade. So I'm not bitter about this unexpected side effect of chemo -- it's called UV recall -- and I'm not complaining. I'm merely marveling at the power of the drugs that hopefully killed all the cancer in my body, the drugs that seem to creep back year after year, perhaps reminding me that in the whole scheme of things, red, itchy, unsightly bumps are not such a bad life condition.

I have had a hard time keeping my counseling appointments lately. Life keeps getting in the way, and counseling keeps getting pushed to the side. The last time I called my counselor to cancel -- due to an emergency room trip with my three-year-old -- I mentioned that my inability to keep up with sessions was perhaps a precursor to an eventual termination of our counseling relationship. My counselor -- Lindsay -- said this was maybe an accurate assessment, that we should discuss the possibility of an ending point. We haven't yet discussed it, though, because I have not made the time to contact her. I have continued to leave counseling on the back burner.

But today Lindsay sent me an e-mail to check in. She wrote that I am probably going to be okay on my own now -- in the aftermath of cancer -- and that we should have one final session to reflect on my progress over the past 16 months. I have not replied to Lindsay -- not because I am busy with other things but simply because her words made me cry. They still make me cry, hours later. I'm not exactly sure why. And I'm not exactly sure how I will follow up on scheduling my very last session.

I assume my tears -- my sadness -- are part of the healing process, part of the separation anxiety I feel each time a part of my treatment ends and a part of my life moves on. I assume I am sad at the prospect of leaving a vital part of my recovery behind, about leaving the comfort of my counseling chair, about leaving Lindsay. The possibilities are endless. And I suppose we will cover all possibilities when Lindsay and I sit down for our last, final, concluding session -- when we recall how much I have grown since the day we first met, when I could barely mutter a word about cancer without weeping uncontrollably, when I could barely manage to find pleasure in my days, when I could barely imagine that life could -- and would -- offer me peace and happiness.

Today, life is good. And it's clear that counseling is no longer necessary for my survival. But that doesn't make it any easier to make my final appointment. To contemplate saying my last goodbye. To tackle life completely on my own. Which is what I will do -- in time -- so I can continue moving on, away from breast cancer.

Isothiocyanates, chemical compounds found in cruciferous vegetables such as broccoli, Brussels sprouts and watercress are able to kill cancer cells that have become resistant to chemotherapy drugs, according to the Free Radical Research Group research team from Christchurch School of Medicine and Health Sciences, University of Otago.

Basically, isothiocyanates drive cancer cells, and the protein Bcl-2 that seems to aid cancer cells in surviving, to apoptosis or in more descriptive terms -- a self-destructing suicide. The researchers are hoping this discovery might lead to the development of cancer-fighting drugs derived from isothiocyanates.

In the meantime, as they work on better cancer-fighting drugs based on beneficial chemical compounds found in foods, it won't hurt us to eat more veggies. Okay, except for the current recall of E. coli contaminated spinach. Right now, don't eat your spinach.

While the study suggests that not all cruciferous vegetable are equal in the ability to kill cancer cells, and specifically refers only to broccoli, Brussels sprouts and watercress -- other cruciferous vegetables include arugula, cauliflower, cabbage, Bok Choy, rutabaga, Chinese cabbage, Daikon, radishes, turnips, kohlrabi, kale, and turnip, mustard and collard greens.

In the past year, I have had three severe skin reactions characterized by red, itchy, burning bumps that start on my chest and without fail climb over my shoulders and onto my back. They last for a few weeks, are irritated by the Florida heat, and have had no known cause -- until today when I visited my dermatologist for a skin cancer screening and briefed her on this bizarre condition that has kept me away from sunscreen and out of the swimming pool and in hiding from the sun. I have suspected that sunscreen, chlorine, the sun -- or some combination of the three -- have been my potential irritants. So I've been avoiding them altogether. But I learned today that the sunscreen and the chlorine are not to blame. That leaves the sun, which is the most likely culprit -- and only because I have received chemotherapy with one very toxic drug. Adriamycin.

My dermatologist told me about a phenomenon called UV Recall that is associated with Adriamycin. Apparently the toxicity of this drug, even though administered long ago, can be recalled, causing a reaction when the UV rays of the sun soak into my skin. Sunscreen may help, my doctor told me, but she cautioned me that it is just a screen -- it does not offer full protection. And she said the best suncreen option would include zinc oxide. I think for me, though, staying out of the sun is my best bet. It's not ideal -- it means I will remain on the fringe of the swimming pool, hiding in the shade, while my boys swim their little hearts out. And tropical vacations will be off my wish list. And I will seek outdoor fun mostly after the sun goes down. But this is okay -- I knew there were long-term side effects of chemotherapy drugs. I am just thankful for now that my heart has not been compromised -- a side effect of both Adriamycin and the drug Herceptin that I have also received. And it's also not a bad thing that the steps I must now take to prevent skin reactions are also the steps that protect me from skin cancer. So in some sort of round-about way, my inconvenient skin issues may just help me stay healthy. And that's just fine with me.

I've been wearing a breast cancer bracelet that jingles with charms in the shapes of hearts, with inspiring little messages like Go with your heart. One of the heart charms is a watch. My friend sent me this shortly after my breast cancer diagnosis. I love this bracelet. So I was sad the other day when the glass piece covering the watch somehow cracked and shattered. I only realized this when I tried to check the time and learned that my watch was not actually telling time anymore. So I went for my back-up -- another watch, exactly the same and also given to me as a gift. I replaced my old watch with the new watch and then days later, my new watch was not working. I think water got inside the glass and damaged the battery or the mechanisms -- or something. I'm sure I could repair the watches -- and I considered this -- but then it entered my mind that maybe this is a message that I am okay now without all my breast cancer gear.

UK newspapers are reporting a recall of chocolate and bagged snacks after it was found one of the ingredients contained potentially cancer-causing toxins. Three brands of products made with a rice flour were found to have aflatoxin B1 -- a naturally occurring  mold shown to cause cancer in animals -- at levels above the legal limit, according to the Food Standards Agency. Stated in the alert, the rice flour is thought to have originated in Pakistan and imported to the UK from Sweden. At this time, the products in question are Quaker Caribbean Chicken Seasons, Sainsbury's Chocolate and Toffee Crispie Bites and Smiths Bacon Fries. All companies that use rice flour in the manufacture of food product are being asked to voluntarily recall those products.

The UK Foods Standards Agency, FSA, has issued a recall of soft drinks after tests confirmed contamination of benzene, an established and known cancer-causing chemical. Low Calorie Bitter Lemon drink had benzene levels at up to 28 times the country’s limit for drinking water. In addition, Morrison's sugar-free pineapple, Popstar sugar-free lemon & lime, and Hyberry high juice sugar-free black currant squash were recalled.

According to BeverageDaily, the news comes one month after the US Food and Drug Administration, FDA, first revealed to BeverageDaily it had found some drinks containing benzene above the legal limit for water in the US. Both the FDA and the FSA said they believe the benzene was formed through a reaction between two common ingredients –- sodium benzoate and ascorbic acid or vitamin C -- in the drinks. A BeverageDaily investigation earlier this year confirmed that both the FDA and the American soft drinks association have known about this problem for 15 years. No public announcement was ever made, and the re-emergence of the problem suggests a communication breakdown. I would say so. Diet and sugar-free drinks are considered more at risk because sugar has been found to block the reaction leading to the formation of benzene. Beverage Daily has been on this story from the beginning, and has offered information to the public that might not have been known before the recall. It all seems to be coming to light now.

For an indepth reporting account about benzene in soft drinks, go to Beverage Daily. For a related post on this issue, read New cancer concerns about benzene levels in soft drinks.