My friend -- who has a friend newly diagnosed with brain cancer -- greeted me at the door the other day and asked with a sense of urgency, "How can I help?"

"Help your friend?" I asked.

"Yes, she said, unsure of what she might say or do in this time of great difficulty for everyone involved.

I told her a few things. And then I thought of some more. It wasn't terribly easy to come up with these ideas. Because even though I myself was on the receiving end of help during my cancer journey, it's still hard to imagine what an individual wants or needs -- or doesn't want or need. But here's what I've got to offer.

I hope this helps my friend.

I hope it helps you too.

• Allow your loved one to take the lead. If you sense this person wants to talk, then talk. If you sense talk is not welcomed, then don't talk. To determine whether or not your friend or family member wants to discuss cancer, approach the topic and judge the response you get. I know I can usually tell if someone is willing to open up -- typically the conversation just flows -- and when someone is putting the brakes on chit-chat -- typically the conversation falls flat.

• If talk is not in the cards, then consider an offer of food. Sometimes actions speak much louder than words. So think about calling a restaurant in your friend's town and ordering a meal to be delivered right to the door. Most eating establishments accept credit card numbers over the phone so location should be a non-issue. Even those deep in despair need to eat, and taking away the chore of cooking and cleaning up can be quite a gift.

• If the gift of food is not up your alley, how about sending a small gift, like a candle, a pair of cozy socks, a grocery store gift card, a music CD, a gift certificate for a spa. You name it, your special something might brighten the day.

• If you live near your loved one and have some free time, offer to drive to appointments, visit during treatments, pick up kids and entertain them for the day, clean house, cook, and clean up dinner. Try to be very specific with your offers. Say, "I'd like to pick up your kids tomorrow at lunch so you can take a nap" or "I'm coming over on Sunday to rake leaves." These offers are easier to accept than the "call me if you need anything" kind.
  

• If a quick stop at your loved one's house is possible, drop off a book on the front porch or set some pretty potted flowers by the door. Or do both. Then walk away without saying a word. Let your help take your friend by surprise.

• When you do have the chance to talk, avoid guiding the conversation with your own thoughts and advice, unless requested. Saying, "Everything will be OK," for example, may not be true. Assuring your friend she will sail right through chemotherapy may backfire if nausea and fatigue are just down the road. Stating, "it's OK, your hair will grow back," doesn't really help those living with the horror of hair loss. So stay away from promises and predictions and stick to the present. Ask questions, listen, and paraphrase back what your friend has shared. These are basic counseling techniques. The premise is that allowing the person to work through the issues is more important than what we can do to directly help.
  

• Don't forget about the good old greeting card or short note that lets your loved know how much you care. Let the card say it if you wish to avoid writing and then add an address, a stamp, and send your support on its way.
  

• This makes eight -- so much for sticking to my Sunday plan -- but I must share this too: Don't forget about your loved one after months and even years pass by. Initial diagnoses are tough and treatments are tough too. But as your friend survives each day, remember to check in. Cancer is a life-long battle for many. Support and assistance may be just as valuable a year down the road as it is on day one.

Tomorrow -- Monday, September 25 -- is the day when every dollar you spend at Chili's restaurants will be donated to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital. So treat yourself to a meal out tomorrow -- and treat the kids at St. Jude's to some hope for a healthy future.

Donate All Our Profits Day is Chili's way of creatively conquering childhood cancer. This fundraising effort will benefit the development of Chili's Care Center -- a St. Jude's building dedicated to groundbreaking research on brain tumors. The center is scheduled to open in Fall 2007.

Chili's doors will be open for lunch and dinner tomorrow. So abandon your plans for cooking today and let Chili's cater to your every wish -- while you sit back, relax, and quietly make a difference in the lives of sick children.

Chili's restaurant is the place to be on September 25 -- because 100 percent of profits earned on this day will go to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital -- the only hospital for sick children that does not require anyone to pay for treatment. So fundraising is key -- and Chili's has cooked up all sorts of creative ways to help conquer cancer in children.

Besides Donate All Our Profits Day, Chili's is sponsoring a program called Creativity for a Cause -- where customers make a donation and then color a rendering of a pepper. The coloring sheets are displayed at participating restaurants in a chain-like fashion, hanging from the ceilings. Create a Pepper gift cards are also available. For every $25 spent on gift cards, Chili's will donate $1 to St. Jude's. And t-shirts -- black with a white pepper gracing the front -- can be purchased for $12. Kids can even have fun on-line with Chili's crafty creations, including an interactive pepper coloring activity.

All this fundraising goes hand in hand with the development of the Chili's Care Center -- a St. Jude's state-of-the-art building dedicated to groundbreaking research on brain tumors. The center is scheduled to open in Fall 2007 -- thanks to Chili's professionals who over the course of 10 years have donated a historic $50 million to St. Jude's.

Heather Crowe never smoked, but she was diagnosed with lung cancer. After 40 years of working as a waitress in smoked-filled restaurants, she became a lung cancer victim of second-hand cigarette smoke. Four years ago, she began a campaign of lobbying the Canadian government to pass a law banning smoking in all public places. In television ads for Health Canada, Crowe described herself as the face of cancer caused by second-hand smoke. Eventually, Crowe convinced the Ontario Government to pass the Smoke Free Ontario Act. On May 31st, all bars, restaurants and indoor public places must be 100 percent smoke-free. The act will ban any smoking in any enclosed public places and will add restrictions to the promotion, handling and display of cigarettes in stores. As a result of her efforts, Crowe is credited with accomplishing more in tobacco control to protect public health than any other one person. She had told people she wanted to live long enough to see the anti-smoking legislation go into effect.

Sadly, Crowe died one week before she could see that happen, but not before she accomplished what she set out to do, and her legacy to protect the health of the public from the harmful effects of second-hand smoke will live on for generations to come. Crowe was 61.