It's been so long I can barely remember the cause of the family rift that kept me separated from an aunt, an uncle, and cousins for many years. All that remains clear is that a once-close family split apart because of disagreement and hurt feelings and that my grandma -- the glue that held this family together for more than 50 years -- was heartbroken. She did everything she could to repair the damage of her splintered family. But despite begging, pleading, and continued prayers, reconciliation seemed impossible -- until it became evident this sweet woman was about to die.

The progress was slow and began with a rallying of family members at my grandma's bedside. She was somewhat incoherent at the time, and I'm not quite sure if she realized her broken family was on the mend. But I hope she knows, in some heavenly way, that she is the one who ultimately brought everyone together.

After her passing, we all gathered for her memorial service. We took turns spreading her ashes at a tree planted in her honor. We talked and visited and laughed and ate. We broke the ice and opened the door for further interaction. It was refreshing to mourn the loss of Gram without overriding tension and conflict.

I'm not sure if family relations would have continued without what happened next. I suspect we may have all returned to our lives and gone our separate ways, happy we had reconnected but still missing the closeness we once experienced. But then cancer entered our lives, shocked us all, and gave us all reason to stay in touch.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer not long after my grandma died. And the same people who came to her bedside came to my rescue in ways I never would have imagined in the heat of battle. The same people who for years were absent from my life were the ones offering me support and encouragement and love. They helped me get better.

Once I was better, life returned to a somewhat normal routine. And maybe we would have routinely slipped back into our selfish ways. But illness struck again, requiring we all step back up to the plate.

My uncle, who has lived with diabetes for many years, was faced this year with losing his foot. Thankfully, he found specialists who gave him hope and reason to travel every month for several months to a clinic in my city, where eight family members live and where options never before available to him became a reality -- both medically and personally.

My uncle is doing well, walking on his foot with the aid of a brace. And our family is doing well, as a result of frequent visits, lunches, and continued laughs.

It took death and disease to bridge the gap that existed for much too long between the members of my family. And just this weekend, after spending a glorious weekend with my long-lost cousins, I realized we have possibly arrived back where we once started -- before whatever led to our disagreement and hurt feelings drove us apart.

I believe Gram is smiling down upon us at this very moment, content at last that her three beautiful children -- and their children and their children -- are again a happy family.

North Carolina State women's basketball coach Kay Yow is still in the game, despite her difficult match-up with a fierce opponent -- breast cancer.

Yow is fighting for the third time a disease that has been spreading throughout her body since last fall. She has sores in her mouth, hasn't been able to eat, and receives regular doses of pain medication, antibiotics, and nutrients to combat the effects of three chemotherapy drugs that are cycling through her tired body.

Still, Yow is never far from the sidelines.

She was right there in the mix the day NC State named its women's basketball court in her honor. Shortly after, she was wheeled off the court on a stretcher, headed for the hospital so she could be pumped full of drugs. She was at work the next day. And at the unveiling of the Kay Yow Court. And at her game that same night. And at the end of the night, with an oncologist and nurse, she was accompanied to her office where she was once again hooked up to an IV so drugs could once again drip into Yow's exhausted body.

Yow, 65, is tough and determined.

"I know people are saying I'm doing too much," Yow says. "I know I have to take care of myself. But it's not like I have a cold or pneumonia and if I rest it will get better. Rest is not going to cure cancer. If rest were just the answer, that's what I would do."

"But if someone can be involved with something that is a passion for them, then I don't think there's anything wrong in trying to do that. Coaching lifts me up. Once the ball is tossed up, I forget pretty much about everything and just focus on the game. If I just do nothing, I feel like I'm giving in to the disease."

For anyone keeping score on the battle between Yow and cancer, it's clear Yow is a winner.

Previous posts about Kay Yow are as follows:
NC State coach takes leave to fight breast cancer
NC State basketball coach Kay Yow back in the game

Sometimes all it takes is a small gesture to warm the heart of a cancer patient. It doesn't take anything huge. It shouldn't cause any stress or discomfort. And it shouldn't require a whole lot of thought. It should be simple. Simply simple.

A whole lot of small gestures spread a whole lot of cheer my way when I was knee-deep in cancer treatment and needed a lift. Cozy socks kept my feet and my spirits toasty. A package of brownies sweetened my sour days. Flowers brightened my dining room and my state of mind. Books left on my doorstep delivered knowledge and wisdom and a bit of humor to my world.

The options for spreading sunshine are endless. The list of possibilities could go on and on. Here is just a start -- a small list of small gestures that can make a dreary day downright delightful.

Give a hug
Send a handwritten letter
Make a homemade card
Write a poem
Give a journal
Deliver a candle
Make a home-cooked meal
Arrange for food delivery
Babysit children
Play with children
Drive to appointments
Go wig or hat shopping
Visit during chemotherapy sessions
Give something comfy -- socks, pajamas, hat
Do grocery shopping
Accompany to lunch, dinner, movie
Take a walk
Attend church
Have a picnic
Go fishing
Make a donation to favorite charity
Walk, run, volunteer, raise funds in honor of your special someone

Be specific in your gesturing. Trade a comment like "let me know if I can do anything" for "I'm going to come over and wash and clean your car on Saturday." Vague offers are rarely successful -- cancer patients are not likely to recall every general offer they receive and then manage them all into a schedule. It's just too much to consider in the midst of turmoil. But an offer that comes to life right before them is easy. It's effortless. It is truly a gift. A simple, priceless gift.

Breast cancer is widespread -- so widespread that most of us have direct personal contact with someone living with this disease. Information about breast cancer is also widespread -- so widespread that it's easy to get lost in the maze of details that define this illness that two million women in the United States are living with at this very moment. Breast cancer has its own set of definitions and facts and statistics -- and myths too. And here are seven myths that are not worth spreading.

Most lumps in the breast are cancer.
Actually, most lumps in the breast are not cancer. But every lump should still be examined and diagnosed.

Breast cancer does not occur in young women.
While most breast cancer cases occur in women over the age of 50, breast cancer can and does occur in women of all ages. I was diagnosed at age 34.

Women with large breasts have a greater risk of breast cancer.
Size does not affect risk. But it can be more difficult to examine large breasts and therefore detect a suspicious lump due to a larger amount of tissue.

A woman has little or no risk of breast cancer if she has has no family history of the disease.
Most women with breast cancer -- about 75 percent -- have no family history of breast cancer. Simply being female puts all women at risk. I have no family history of breast cancer -- but I still was diagnosed with this disease and have been treating it for almost two years.

If mammography shows nothing to worry about, then there is nothing to worry about.
Mammography can miss 10 to 15 percent of all breast cancers. So any suspicious mass should be investigated with further tests -- such as ultrasound and MRI. When my lump was examined during a mammogram, my doctor was not worried. But an ultrasound that followed revealed a solid mass -- and this was something to worry about. A biopsy came next. And then came my breast cancer diagnosis.

Once a woman is treated for breast cancer, she should avoid becoming pregnant.
Many breast cancer survivors go on to have successful pregnancies and healthy children. Women should consult their doctors, however, about current and previous treatments and should discuss any possible concerns about pregnancy after breast cancer.

Removal of the entire breast is safer than segmental mastectomy.
Survival is similar for women who have breast-conserving surgery -- like a lumpectomy -- and for those who have either a total or modified mastectomy.

It's not surprising that inaccurate information is floating around about breast cancer -- because there is so much information on the topic and much of it is not completely understood by those who study the disease every day. But we all can take an active part in our own education by researching each tidbit of news that comes our way. We can confirm it, deny it, and understand it better if we take matters into our own hands. And if we don't spread anything we just are not sure about. We owe it to ourselves -- and women everywhere -- to spread only the most accurate information about this disease we all need to better comprehend.

Our days start early now that Joey is in kindergarten and school begins promptly at 7:45 AM. His daddy gets him out of bed at 6:30 AM so he can have some time to wake to the world before shuffling out the door, and we've happily found that Mister Rogers' Neighborhood comes on at just this time. The same Mister Rogers that first appeared on television in Canada in 1963 and then in the United States in 1967 -- with a gentle man, Mister Rogers himself, spreading his calm but uplifting messages to children and nurturing personalities of kids everywhere.

The last original episode of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood was aired in 2001. And in 2003, Fred McFeeley Rogers died at the age of 74 after a brief bout with stomach cancer. But his legacy lives on as his show -- the longest-running PBS program ever -- still graces the television screen. I remember watching this show with my grandmother when I was a little girl. And now I get to watch it with my little boy -- who can also visit Mister Rogers on the PBS website.

Today, Joey and I started our day with a cheery little song, sung by the man who hated television and joined it only to bring about change -- to use this fabulous instrument to guide children in a positive direction. And here is what he sang this morning -- the song that is still playing in my head as I take on the day ahead of me.

It's such a good feeling to know you're alive.
It's such a happy feeling: You're growing inside.
And when you wake up ready to say,
"I think I'll make a snappy new day."
It's such a good feeling, a very good feeling,
The feeling you know that we're friends.

I hope it's a good day in your neighborhood.

I am an expert in the game of what-if. I guess it's because my recent what if this hard lump in my breast is cancer worry turned into Oh My God, it is cancer that I am so polished at this exercise in all things irrational. Sure, some worries will be fulfilled by reality but for the most part, things turn out okay. But still, I worry. When a bone hurt in my arm last year, I was sure it was bone cancer. It wasn't. When I felt a soft bump on the roof of my mouth, I whisked myself to the dentist for my mouth cancer diagnosis. It was just a little bit of inflammation, probably from a cold. A headache landed me in a tube for a scan of my head. It revealed nothing interesting, and ibuprofen fixed me right up. And lately, I am checking every mole, freckle, spot, speck, and discoloration that adorns my fair skin.

I asked about each of these what-if marks yesterday at my annual skin cancer screening. Surprise -- nothing is wrong with me. But all unfounded fears aside, there is some method to my madness about skin cancer because I have had several bad burns in my life, have spent too many hours in the sun in search of a tan, and have already had a few pre-cancerous spots removed from my skin. So I do plan to monitor my skin -- just maybe not every day -- for the ABCDs of melanoma. And you should too -- because melanoma is the deadliest of skin cancers, and it is known for spreading, which makes treatment essential. So consider these what-ifs when screening yourself for skin cancer.

What if a spot on my skin is Asymmetrical? This means that one half of the mark on your skin does not match the other half. See your dermatologist.

What if the Border of the spot is irregular? This means that the edges are ragged, notched, or blurred. See your dermatologist.

What if the Color of the spot is not uniform? This means that shades of tan, brown, and black are present. Dashes of red, white, and blue add to the mottled appearance. See your dermatologist.

What if the Diameter is more than 6 millimeters? This is about the size of a pencil eraser. Any growth of any mole should also be of concern. See your dermatologist.

It is estimated that 44,000 Americans will develop melanoma annually. Of these people, 7,300 will die. But the death rate is declining -- because patients are seeking help earlier. Perhaps the ABCDs of melanoma are helping. I hope they help you -- and me too.