It's been so long I can barely remember the cause of the family rift that kept me separated from an aunt, an uncle, and cousins for many years. All that remains clear is that a once-close family split apart because of disagreement and hurt feelings and that my grandma -- the glue that held this family together for more than 50 years -- was heartbroken. She did everything she could to repair the damage of her splintered family. But despite begging, pleading, and continued prayers, reconciliation seemed impossible -- until it became evident this sweet woman was about to die.

The progress was slow and began with a rallying of family members at my grandma's bedside. She was somewhat incoherent at the time, and I'm not quite sure if she realized her broken family was on the mend. But I hope she knows, in some heavenly way, that she is the one who ultimately brought everyone together.

After her passing, we all gathered for her memorial service. We took turns spreading her ashes at a tree planted in her honor. We talked and visited and laughed and ate. We broke the ice and opened the door for further interaction. It was refreshing to mourn the loss of Gram without overriding tension and conflict.

I'm not sure if family relations would have continued without what happened next. I suspect we may have all returned to our lives and gone our separate ways, happy we had reconnected but still missing the closeness we once experienced. But then cancer entered our lives, shocked us all, and gave us all reason to stay in touch.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer not long after my grandma died. And the same people who came to her bedside came to my rescue in ways I never would have imagined in the heat of battle. The same people who for years were absent from my life were the ones offering me support and encouragement and love. They helped me get better.

Once I was better, life returned to a somewhat normal routine. And maybe we would have routinely slipped back into our selfish ways. But illness struck again, requiring we all step back up to the plate.

My uncle, who has lived with diabetes for many years, was faced this year with losing his foot. Thankfully, he found specialists who gave him hope and reason to travel every month for several months to a clinic in my city, where eight family members live and where options never before available to him became a reality -- both medically and personally.

My uncle is doing well, walking on his foot with the aid of a brace. And our family is doing well, as a result of frequent visits, lunches, and continued laughs.

It took death and disease to bridge the gap that existed for much too long between the members of my family. And just this weekend, after spending a glorious weekend with my long-lost cousins, I realized we have possibly arrived back where we once started -- before whatever led to our disagreement and hurt feelings drove us apart.

I believe Gram is smiling down upon us at this very moment, content at last that her three beautiful children -- and their children and their children -- are again a happy family.

Lesbian women may be at higher risk of developing breast cancer than heterosexual women. Lesbians are often less inclined than heterosexual women to access conventional medical treatment due to lower economics, fear of discrimination and past negative experiences with health care causing them to avoid health care all together. Due to a lack of equal rights with partners that are insured, unlike heterosexual couples, many lesbians with lower income jobs that cannot afford individual insurance plans, can not join on the insurance policy of their partners.

There is no genetic difference between heterosexual and homosexual women that increases disease risk among lesbians but the lack of screening taking place within the lesbian community increases the chances that a woman will be diagnosed in more advanced stages of cancer. Then at later stages there are fewer treatment options. One other factor in the lesbian community is that women who have children after age thirty, or never at all, are at increased risk for breast cancer. It is believed that certain hormones released during pregnancy act as a preventative force against breast cancer. Studies show that lesbians are less likely than heterosexual women to have children, and therefore may be at increased risk. African American lesbians have the highest risk factors for breast cancer than any other group.

Like gay males, the lesbian and bisexual population tend to consume more alcohol and also smoke more than heterosexual women. Whether this is done as a tension reducer or for social interactions is not determined but addiction frequently follows and is associated with higher rates of cancers, heart disease, and emphysema which are the three major causes of death among all women.

Stress is not good. Long-term stress can suppress the immune system. Part of cancer prevention is supporting a healthy immune system so it can do the job of stopping cancer before it has a chance to develop into disease.

Whether stress is related to work or family life, most of us experience too much stress in our daily life. Why the same events will cause some people stress and not others, or why the same event can cause us to experience stress at one time but not seem to bother us as much at a different time, is largely based on our perception of the event and how we define what is happening.

One of the best ways to escape stress? Never personalize what is taking place. Easier said than done, but with practice, it works in reducing the amount of stress and the number of times you experience stress in a day. Still, easier said than done.

Two years ago, my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Shortly after he began radiation and hormone treatment for his cancer, I got an interesting call from him. He was suddenly experiencing symptoms normally associated with menopause -- in particular -- he was having hot flashes. He knew I had been suffering through hot flashes as a result of chemo-induced menopause. It's an interesting, if not unusual, father-daughter bonding when they both can share the trials and tribulations of menopause. Our telephone calls became conversations of possible solutions and relief during the sleeping and waking hours of a personal summer not in sync with the seasonal temperature outside. In the middle of winter, I joked my hot flashes were saving me money on my home heating bill.

Yesterday, Vicki posted tropical vacations and hot flashes, in which she shared a few natural herbal remedies for women suffering from hot flashes associated with menopause. For many women breast cancer survivors, chemo-induced menopause is a real problem. Today, I will share some of the natural remedies for men suffering from hot flashes associated with prostate cancer treatment and male menopause. Yes, it's a real condition. Jed Diamond, author of Male Menopause, offers these herbals as possible relief from male menopausal hot flashes:

• Wild Yam for hormone building assistance.
• Black cohosh for a relaxant and normalizer.
• Damiana as a prostate tonic, antidepressant and nutrient for sluggish sexual organs.
• St. John's Wort and Oat for nerve tonics to help deal with any depression and other stress due to the changes.
• Saw Palmetto for a reproductive system nutrient.
  

Of course, if you have been diagnosed with prostate cancer, you need to speak with your oncologist and primary care physician concerning the safety of combining herbs with any drug treatment you are currently prescribed. In addition, the Mayo Clinic did research that suggested antidepressants can alleviate the severity of hot flashes for men. My father has reported some relief from both herbs and antidepressants, but he still has a personal summer now and then.